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Travel Notes

Moving On…

Jason at the Needle's Eye tunnel, Needles Highway in the Black Hills, South Dakota

I’m sitting in my hotel room in Spearfish, South Dakota, just a few miles away from my son — and yet it feels like I may as well be back in Family hotels koh samui, 1300 miles away from him.

The bird is leaving the nest, and while I know it is time, and that I have to let him fly, I also don’t want to let him go.

His best friend has been living & working in North Dakota for a year or so now, and just have to get moving company quotes at TruckPlease to move where his dad’s company is opening a warehouse to supply their other operation. Jason has been offered a job there as well, which he quite eagerly accepted. He wanted to drive up here alone, but I refused. First because he has never driven further than the distance of Huntsville, Texas alone, and second because I wanted this right of passage to be shared, not just for him but for me.

I never got the experience of taking him off to college and getting him set up in a dorm room or his first apartment, so he has to do all this with the help of the Move San Mateo company. But now this is it. He is going off on his own, 1300 miles away. He is 20 years old, I don’t get a say in this matter. I can only do my best, and hope that I’ve done enough.

Holy crap, I was doing ok with all of this until it hit me tonight like a ton of bricks.

It was such a trivial moment too when it hit. I noticed that Jason had a hole on the back of his jeans, and I pointed it out in case he didn’t know. He pouted, and quietly said, “I’ve been walking around all day with a hole in my pants.”

That? That is what adulthood is all about, summed up right there. You have to take care of yourself, because no one else is around to tell you that your ass is hanging out. (Well, your underwear, but you know what I mean.)

I know he will be fine. I know without a doubt that in the long run he will be ok. But I’m overwhelmed with a flood of questioning right now. Did I do enough? Did I do ok? Did I teach him all he needs to know as he goes off in to the world by himself? Will he be able to overcome the moments where I failed him? Will he someday appreciate all I’ve tried to do for him with this move? With everything else? Not just me, but Mike and my parents too — we have all tried so hard. Does he know that?

Does he know how much we all love him? And that really, even when his ass is hanging out, we are all still there for him?

I’m hopeful. I believe he gets it. And in that small moment, I did all that I could — I offered to take him tomorrow to go buy him some new jeans, or to give him some money to buy his own. He looked grateful for that. And in the morning, I will remind him again — he will always have a home to come home to, and we will always be there for him no matter what.

Then I will step back and let him go. This is his time. His turn to sink or swim. My time to stand by, ready for him to call for help but far enough away to let him grow in to the man he is meant to be.

I’ve done all that I could, and I’ve done the best job possible. I wasn’t always perfect, I know I’ve stumbled and faltered along the way. I’m grateful that I didn’t ever have to do it alone, that my parents were also always there for him as well. That he has grown up with a supportive network of love.

I just want him to know how much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how I know that no matter what road is ahead of him, I have faith he will always be ok. And like any mother, I want nothing but the very best for him, and that there will always be a special place in my heart — and if he ever wants it, in my home as well.

South Dakota is such a beautiful part of the country – I pray that in these wide open spaces he will grow strong and be happy.

I’ve done all that I can. It is time to let him go. Nothing I can do or say will delay it any longer. Soon it will be time for me to go, but a part of my heart will remain here with him.

Categories
Picture Time Travel Notes

Let Me Take a Picture of You!

With Tru at the Musee Rodin in Paris, France

When was the last time someone asked to take your picture? Maybe at a family reunion? A wedding where you were a guest? When you were traveling and enjoying a scenic view?

Did you say yes? Or did you quickly brush them off and say NO, thinking how you weigh too much, you don’t like your hair; maybe you suffer of hair loss (although there are remedies as Nioxin that help with that), you don’t have enough makeup on, your shirt is ugly … whatever your excuse may be? But you don’t have to be shy about yourself. You are beautiful the way you are. However, if you want to boost your body to make it flawless, I have something to recommend, the Vancouver Laser Hair Removal. No more painful waxing, electrolysis or razors!

I just realized I’ve been so foolish. There are so many times I’ve said no, where I wish I had said YES!!! Not just for myself, but for my family and the future generations.

No one ever says after you die, “Well, I wish we had more photos of her, but you know, she had those 40 lbs still to lose, so I understand why we don’t.” They just wish they had more photos of you. They want your picture.

Next time someone offers to take my photo, I’m going to think twice about my response.

PS – the photograph above is one that I took while visiting the Musee Rodin during the boudoir photography Paris workshop. My friend Tru always takes a self-portrait of herself wherever she goes, so I joined her in the fun – and this is one of the two of us together! Snapping at the same time!

Categories
Travel Notes

Coming Home Again…


It has been a whirlwind 8 days around here. First 3+ days in New Orleans for Imaging USA 2012. Then after only 12 hours home in Houston, I was off again to Salt Lake City for 3+ days at the ALT Design Summit, which was packed full of learning, revelations, and FUN.

The big lightbulb moment for me came when I was asked if I wanted to be a photographer who blogged, or a blogger who is a photographer. I have so long been frustrated by feeling this big divide in my life. Feeling like I just abandoned this site 5 years ago when I started photographing weddings. It was never my intention, but that was how it played out. I want that to change. I want to write here again like I used to do.

So I will. I will be a blogger that is a photographer again. And saying that makes my heart sing! I left ALT full of creative juices (and a TON of notes in my moleskine) and just wanting to MAKE things again. I forgot how beautiful that feels.

Mother Nature cooperated with my plans, and I got some amazing photographs while on my flight home! The one above was taken as I flew from Salt Lake City down to Phoenix for the first leg of my flight today. The sky was completely full of clouds, making this crisp white line. As soon as I saw it, I saw this photograph in my mind. It brings me joy. [Taken with my iPhone, posted to Instagram with no filters.]

How was your weekend? I hope it was as fabulous as mine! I can’t wait to share more about ALT!

Categories
Picture Time Travel Notes

Lessons While Drowning…

The Fairmont Southampton Princess Hotel's Private Beach

When you go on trip to an amazing island, a brush with death is not normally on the list of things you have planned. Sometimes, it ends up there anyways. Oops.

Whenever I tell someone that I’m traveling for a destination wedding, everyone thinks I’m going on a most amazing holiday. It is in some ways! But it is also a pretty serious task for us, as we don’t have the usual peer network nearby, being in a more remote location. Because of that I insist on keeping everything pretty low key before the wedding takes place. Have to stay safe!

With the wedding taking place on Saturday, Sunday afternoon & evening was our free time before we headed back to the USA on Monday. Once we had backed up all of our memory cards and wrapped up all of our work, Kelly & I went to the Fairmont’s private beach with plans to go snorkeling – the one activity I had talked about doing for the weeks leading up to the trip, since I really wanted to swim, I even got some long swimsuit cover ups so I’ll be prepared for anything on the trip. The beach has a dive shop where Kelly rented gear, and we couldn’t wait! After some warm-up swimming in the shallow water and discovering that that “dark spot” that you see in the photo above is actually a school of small blue fish (so cool!), it was time to go further. We were told that there were big fish, coral and sponges out by that big rock, so we headed out for it.

It was then that I nearly drowned. I really wish I was making this up, but at the same time I learned a lot from the whole experience. Lessons that can be good in life in general:

  • People are better off when they do things together. – Buddy system when you swim, people! Thank goodness I had Kelly there swimming right beside me. When I suddenly found myself unable to breath, in a spot too deep to touch the bottom, and I didn’t even think I could tread water as I was starting to panic, I reached out to grab her. I think the buddy system is good for the rest of your life too. Do you reach out for help? Even when it is just an arms length away?
  • Ask someone if they need help. They will probably appreciate it when you do. When I grabbed Kelly’s leg, she stopped immediately and asked me if I needed help. I was already getting winded from attempting to tread water (something I’m normally really good at!), and while it was hard to admit for a second, I did need help. Bad. Matter of fact, I started to panic a little when I couldn’t even get the word “yes” out of my mouth. Do you ask people if they need help when you see them struggling?
  • Keep calm in times of stress. – Ah, panic. It is instinctively the first thing you do when things are going wrong. Sometimes that is a good thing, but if you’re in too deep – literally – it can be very, very dangerous. I kept telling myself to stay calm. Panic wasn’t going to do me any good. Air, that was what I needed. Calm. Air. Calm. (The irony here is that normally I calm myself about sitting on a beautiful tropical island beach. I still used that – because I really wanted to be sitting on the shore!) Do you have a way to calm yourself when you’re faced with a bad situation? Someone to turn to? Breathing exercises? Anything?
  • Remember the lessons you’ve already learned. – Over the years, I’ve attended various water safety courses, watched & read information on how to spot a drowning person, and other random things like that. At first, I started to swim back for the shore with Kelly to guide me. I then remembered that when you’re saving someone, you are supposed to tell them to just float. It was then I realized that I was causing her some resistance and it was going to be harder for her to bring me in to shore. I flipped over on to my back and made myself as still as I possibly could so that I was just floating along with her. Do you know when to struggle and when to just go with the flow?
  • Remove your own obstacles. – We were snorkeling. I had on a mask and the breathing tube snorkel thingie. I flipped on to my back so Kelly could pull me – and quickly realized that having the tube down IN the water was not going to do me any good. I reached up with my free hand to pull off the gear, gasping for fresh air. Do you take the time to remove the obstacles in your way? What is keeping you from breathing in good, fresh air?
  • Take the time to stop. – When we reached the shore, I quickly, frantically, headed for the empty beach chair that was straight in front of me. I was starting to get that tunnel vision of the perimeter of my view going gray, and I’m sure if I hadn’t sat with my head between my knees I would have passed out. I hacked up about half of the Atlantic ocean. I accepted a towel from a total stranger. Kelly took care of me, making sure I was ok. I spent most of the afternoon in a chair, admiring the blue, blue water, and … well, and coughing. It really wasn’t glamorous there for awhile. Salt water & lungs don’t mix very well. But it was ok. I’m not afraid to go back into the water, but I didn’t that day. I knit my sock and enjoyed the breeze instead. Do you sometimes just need to stop and admire your surroundings instead of diving head on in to something?
  • Live a life of gratitude. – I could not possibly be more grateful for the fact that Kelly was there for me. She also stayed calm and did what needed to be done to get me out of a bad situation. She didn’t panic, and when we were on shore she took care of me. Basically, she ROCKED. I can’t even put into words how thankful I am for that. Do you take the time to thank the people that are there for you?

I never expected it to take nearly drowning to remind me that some days, I just need to slow down and enjoy the ride instead of trying to cram so much living into life, sometimes it could be tiring, but that’s why supplements might help with chronic fatigue and allow us to move on with our lives. In the end, life is about living and enjoying the people you share it with. I’m so thankful for my family & friends that help make my life awesome! I also learned and realized that it is essential to have a health & safety training when going on beach trips just because.

All in all, Bermuda was BEAUTIFUL and amazing. Such an incredible place – I definitely want to go back someday with Mike & Jason! It is just crazy to think that you’re on this island, alone in the middle of a big, big ocean. (Well, ok, series of islands, since there is actually something like 181 islands that make up Bermuda.) There is nothing else around it though — unlike the Caribbean, Bermuda has no neighboring countries. Just you & the sea. Miles & miles of shore with the most brilliant blue water and the pink sand. Truly a magical place!

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BlahBlahBabble Travel Notes

Whirlwind!

Yeah Baby!

Hello from New York City! Last week was such a whirlwind, I didn’t even have a chance to post about my upcoming 48 hour trip to New York; hard to believe it is almost half over! I was told last spring by friends of ours that they wished I lived in New York so I could photograph their baby when he was born. I pointed out that for what NYC photographers charge, they could buy me a plane ticket and bring me up here. They loved the idea – so it was just a matter of waiting for his arrival! He was born last week on the 15th, and I’ll be photographing him later today! I can’t WAIT!

Of course, I had to experience all that is B&H Photography while I was here in the city. It was a great ONE TIME experience. That place is INSANE. From now on, I’ll just order my goodies from home and have them shipped to my door!

I also spent this past weekend at a workshop put on by the guys at Tri-Coast Photography. I learned many great, amazing things! I can’t wait to put them to use at the next wedding that we photograph!

More when I get home from the Big Apple — for now, there is a city out there calling to me!

The Light

The Light, Part 2