Thoughts…

As I got on the bus this morning, I couldn’t help but think of the people that left for work two years ago, never knowing that it was their last commute, their last goodbyes as they left their families and friends. As we arrived in downtown, I noticed what a crisp blue morning it was – just like that morning two years ago.

When I got to my office building, I realized just how removed I was two years ago when 9/11 happened. I was working in a 6-story building about 2 miles from home. Today I was 34 floors up, with a view of downtown that I love, including the Shell building with the giant antenna on top and the Chase Tower, the tallest building in downtown Houston.

I suddenly felt very fragile.

Two years ago, I left my apartment, thinking what a gorgeous day it was outside. The weather was perfect – not too warm, not too humid, the sky was a glorious blue. As I locked my front door, I heard the maintenance man telling one of the women that worked in the office, “Did you hear? They’re attacking the Pentagon now.” As I walked to my car, I kept wondering what on earth he was talking about. I tried to find something on the radio, but my drive to the office was so short I couldn’t get any news.

I walked in the office, asked if the client was there yet for our meeting, and got a puzzled look in response. “Haven’t you heard the news?” The second Tower had already been hit. I was speechless. The owner of the company kept talking about how he had learned in college (he was an engineer) that the World Trade Center was so structurally sound, it couldn’t fall. Some of the employees watched the news for awhile, and then went back to their desks. I was glued to the telivision. The Towers fell, even though Dave said they couldn’t. None of us knew what to say. Sim was desperately trying to reach her family, in the New York area.

Eventually, I couldn’t watch the news anymore. I went back to my desk. I read blogs. Over and over, I went back to Michele’s blog, along with Choire and Philo’s. I remember the post of the person who stopped and used their laptop to post right in the middle of New York City. He couldn’t use his cell phone, the pay phones weren’t working, but he could get online.

Technology got me through that day, and the days that followed. I read blogs over and over. I watched the news every once in awhile, but it seemed so sterile. Blogs were so real – real people, their feelings, raw with emotion.

Last year I was at the same job – in the same location, with some of the same people. Kymberlie was there with me. It was good to have a friend to help me get through the day.

Today, I felt fragile. I’ve been at my job for almost 8 months now, but it wasn’t the same. Being 34 floors up was hard. What would I do if that happened in Houston? What would I do if something like that happened again, right here? I am far away from the “key” buildings in downtown, but I’ve heard the stories of the hours it took people to get out of downtown that day. I was so far from home, so far from Jason and my parents.

The day started out so sunny and clear, but by lunchtime it was pouring down rain. My mood seemed to be going the same way. I went to lunch with Debbie, one of the attorneys that I work with. I’m glad I did – I had so many things on my mind, so much I wanted to say, and I felt so alone. Talking to her helped; we shared our stories of that day. I told her about my call from Chelsey, who was working in that tall building at the time, and how she told me she called just to tell me that she loved me. I told her about all the websites I read that day. We both agreed that today should be a holiday, that we should be home with the people that we loved, not at work.

I remembered. I’m glad I did.

My life is very different today then it was two years ago. I am very different. The world is very different. I can’t make any sense out of all of it – and yet life goes on. It wasn’t the day I had planned, but it was the day I had.

I remembered, and I’m glad I did.