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A life lived completely on your terms excludes the riches and complications that others will always bring.

Courtesy of InfoSpace, yesterday’s horrorscope. I find it way too ironic, considering last night’s events…

Why are you holding on so tightly, Libra? You may be so intent on getting what you want that you haven’t even noticed that your knuckles are turning white and your hand is cramping. It’s necessary for you to loosen your grip on what isn’t yours to use. Later in the day, the Moon’s current Sign reminds you of other neglected obligations. Do your best to strike a reasonable balance with a difficult associate. The right gesture has the power to start this evening off on the right note.

I was pretty upset last night. Today is a whole new day. I understand. I am sad in a way but ok with it too. I don’t think his decision is written in stone, and I don’t know that I want it to work anyways. I think we could be friends, but I don’t know if I want us to be. I would have to see him dating others, etc. and I don’t know if I could do that. And the same goes for him. He has had a “taste” (like me) of a relationship without our issues. He isn’t sure if he wants to go back to the issues. Which I understand. I told him it hurt though because I felt like he was saying that I wasn’t worth it. But we ended up talking more and I realized that wasn’t how he felt – this has been a hard call for him too because he does care. He isn’t 100% w/ his choice, but feels that is the right route to go, “for now” to quote him. It goes back to what I said last week – that he has to come to me when the time is right for him, when he is motivated & has the desire. Right now there is a part of him that wants to work things out, but after 2 months of telling himself to move on he can’t stop & reverse that thinking immediately. I have been through similar thoughts although not the same. I am also not sure if I want the drama, etc. – I think we could do things better with counseling to help us overcome issues from our past but… Time will tell. I was consumed with fear from Aug. – Dec. – convinced it was just words that he wasn’t going to make reality. I said that last night – if I hadn’t broken up with him back in January we might be married by now. Ironic, huh? Then again, maybe not. He may have found more excuses… My vibe? That the latter is more likely, especially with my mood in January. I know I did the right thing by walking. I am still annoyed that he couldn’t pick up the phone “because I broke up with him.” Funny though, he says it was my e-mail in January that set all of that off – yesterday I found the e-mail that he sent that prompted my response. It wasn’t all me. I had forgotten all about his e-mail to me though.

So, time will tell. I am keeping all of my options open and going back to taking more time for me. I know things will all work out. I feel better also because I do feel some closure on the whole IO situation – before I felt like I had left things with so many loose ends. I don’t like that feeling. So at least I have more peace in that sense – it hasn’t all been in vain.

Found over at Much Ado About Nothing – another Christine:

As Christine you seek change, travel, new opportunities, and new challenges. Your active, restless nature demands action and you dislike system and monotony. As you are versatile and capable, you could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks. Having considerable vision, you could be adept at formulating new, more effective ways of doing things. You could organize the work of others, though in your impatience to see the job done efficiently, you would likely step right in and do it yourself. You could work well in sales and promotion, and would not be afraid to risk a gamble as the name gives you much self-confidence. You do not find contentment in the routine tasks and responsibilities that are associated with home and family or with administrative detail in the business world, so you have to guard against frustration and even moods of depression over your personal responsibilities. The restlessness this name creates could find an outlet in caustic, irritable expression. Also, the intensity of your nature could result in tension in the solar plexus causing stomach trouble and, because you take your responsibilities seriously you could experience much worry.

Hey Julie – it’s ok to be stressed and take some time off. The whole point of this is to write *for you*. And like I learned a few weeks ago, sometimes you have to take some time for you. We know that life is out there doesn’t stop. We come to read because we enjoy it, because we care. We’ll be here when you’re ready…

Speaking of being ready – interesting developments with the IO tonight. To make a long story short (unusual for me) he has decided he doesn’t think it will ever work, and he doesn’t want to continue “trying”. I am going through a lot of emotions. Part of me is sad. I care about him, I have missed him. Part of me is relieved – I have an answer. I know it is foolish to think that we could be any better then we were before. I know that, I know better. I’ll be ok, just need some me time to think for now…

BlogVoices have gone away. I think they are really slowing the site down a lot, and I can’t handle it. If I am wrong and that isn’t what the problem is, I’ll bring them back. Meanwhile, e-mail me if you have something to say. I love to get e-mail, as long as it isn’t spam!