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Naomi and I had a fun lunch yesterday at Willie G’s Ice House. She just got a digital camera yesterday morning and it is *sweet*. We snapped some pictures inbetween our deep discussion on life and soul mates (I’ll elaborate later today) and I will put them up for all to see. Aren’t you excited?

Last night I stayed up at the office working and then trying to get the webcam to work (bummer, it won’t run on NT, have to upgrade to 2000 first). Then I went to meet Kymberlie at the gym. After a nice workout, I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some goodies – CDs from the $1.96 bin (can’t go wrong at that price!) and some haircolor. I came home, talked with Naomi for a bit about how her pictures came out on the PC. Heated up some food, sat down on the couch to watch a little TV. Never even made it to the microwave to get the food out … dozed off, right there, sitting on the couch. Sitting. My neck & back hurt today. Not only did I doze off – I slept there all night! TV on, lamps on… too funny. Woke up at 7am to Good Morning America, just in time to get ready for work.

While I was getting ready for work I had left the TV on out in the living room. I walked out to get a glass of water and had to stop and laugh when I heard them talking on Good Morning America about the Debate Over PMS Drugs Seems I was on to something when I said that those PMDD commercials seemed like a pathetic ploy to get women to take Serafem. “There’s a patent issue, too: Sarafem manufacturer Eli Lilly, which also manufactures Prozac, loses patent protection for that antidepressant in August. That means competitors can start making and selling generic versions of Prozac � a drug that raked in $2.6 billion in sales last year. With Sarafem, however, the Indianapolis-based firm has a separate patent for the drug through 2007, which could help offset the potentially lost sales of Prozac.” Ahhhhhh… now the truth comes out. Go read the article, it is pretty interesting. Among common CBD benefits, natural pain relief tops the list for many, visit www.cbd.co/benefits/ for more information. Evidence suggests that cannabinoids may prove useful in pain modulation by inhibiting neuronal transmission in pain pathways.

After reading the bwg update and the comments on being politically correct, I just have to add that I used to say to people when they talked about something-Americans, “well, if that’s the case I am Germo-Austro-American”. It just drives me nuts. I am 3rd generation American on my mom’s side. My great-grandparents immigrated to North Dakota from Austria, and the first thing they did was learn English and try to blend immediately into American society. That’s what this country is all about – the great melting pot. I just love it (note sarcasm) when people don’t get it. I know it isn’t easy – I struggled with learning German when I moved to Germany. I still made every attempt I could to learn it and speak it to the locals.

Inbetween my surfing and TiVo watching I typed up my writings from the retreat I attended back in January. Now you have a chance to read Beyond The Beautiful Door and The Symphony Plays On, my attempts at seeking some closure with the Insignificant Other. The Beginning Experience Retreat was wonderful in so many ways. I will add more of my journal from that weekend later on.

Ok, well – just in case that last post brings you down, go read Loony Dot Org. Too hysterical! I have been laughing for the past 15 minutes I think! A definate addition to my repeat visit list! Man, it ROCKS!

I wrote all about Saturday’s adventures, but just skipped right over Friday night. My friend Tom & went out to eat at Los Cucos restaurant. On the way back to my place we went Wal-Marting because I decided I didn’t want to wait on getting a webcam – but they didn’t have any. We came back to my apartment to watch Frequency. I hadn’t watched the DVD since I bought it, and he hadn’t seen it at all and I thought he would enjoy it. I think he did – until the end. I won’t ruin the ending for those of you that haven’t seen it – just see it, it is a really cool movie. But he started talking about how all movies end with the characters all living these perfectly happy lives. I said that I didn’t want to get into it – it was late. I was tired and on day 2 of my headache. It had been hours since I had taken anything for it, so it was back with a vengeance. Not one to take no for an answer, he pushed on. I snapped. I said, “It was just an ending! It was a happy moment, they were happy, nothing more! They never said their entire lives were perfect!” Tom thought I wasn’t listening to him, so he pressed on with his point on how (he felt) it was an inaccurate portrayal of life. I said that there are happy moments in everyone’s life – and if he couldn’t see that then he needed to reexamine his own. (Meow!) He naively thought I was having fun verbally sparing with him, so he continued forward – not listening to me tell him that I *really* didn’t want to discuss it. It has been a long hard week. I was tired. It was late. Finally – I broke down and actually started to cry. I think he was in shock. Yes, I was crying over something so trivial as how I felt about the ending of a movie. What a goober. He couldn’t believe I was seriously crying. Which, in turn, made the whole thing funny to me. I apologized to him for it – at least I hope I did. I knew better then to get into it. I knew no good was going to come out of the discussion. It was simply the ending of a movie – and I needed a happy ending after the mood I had been in…

I figured out why I have been so moody this week. On Monday or Tuesday I realized that this was the week of the trip that caused the final good-byes between me & the Insignificant Other. He gave me 48 hours notice to make vacation & babysitting arrangements for a trip to Whistler Resort in Canada that was months away. Meanwhile my boss was out sick and I couldn’t get a commitment to whether or not I could have the time off. This, of course, made him quite irate. He said he was going to take one of his kids – fine with me. That made it even worse; he thought I didn’t want to go on the trip. Not the case, I just couldn’t confirm my vacation. Then when they couldn’t go, he said he would just go ahead and put me down as his guest. No, he wasn’t paying for the trip. And if I didn’t go he wasn’t out anything financially. But still – I couldn’t take the pressure. I realized after he told me he was putting me down as his guest that while I wanted to go there, I didn’t want to go *with him*. I didn’t really want to go anywhere anymore with him. So a few hours later I told him that I couldn’t go on playing the game any more. I was done. This attempt at making it work wasn’t working. His reply was that he wished I had told him that as soon as he had asked me about the trip (48+ hours earlier) because he would have invited someone else. I have buried my feelings about that ever since – just *who* would he have asked at such short notice? We had been dating for over 7 years, who did he know so well that he could whisk them away on a cozy little trip to Canada? Was he cheating on me? Were all of my fears correct? But I buried those thoughts for months, and I have been moving on with life – most of the time. This week it got to me though, when I found it scribbled on my calendar, casually blocked out way back when. I wondered if he went, and if he went who did he take with him? Silly. I have met a lot of great people in the past few months, people I would have never known otherwise. I have met one very special person in particular – ME. I know who that person is looking back at me in the mirror again. It is a great feeling. But I saw fear of the unknown in my eyes this week. And I have to keep reminding myself how I felt back then, how he did not respect me or our relationship. I have not called him or written to him or anything else. And I am continuing to face forward, taking what I have learned from my past and moving ahead… it isn’t always easy though. But I know in my heart that in the end it will be ok and I will end up in a much better place.