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I have had several friends ask me “what? a blog? what’s a blog???” Then they look at me like I have become addicted to some drug because I always have this haze take over as I talk about my blog. So here is an article that explains what this whole blog thing is about – WebReview.com: The Blogging Revolution. Written by another blogger, Biz Stone, Genius. A great blog with cool links to everything wonderful. And good graphics too!

Ugh. I have a problem. I just found out that I am a dude. Ack! 31 years of being female. What is a girl to do? Yes, I went and took Spark’s Gender Test and I ended up right in the middle. Well, I guess I have always said I am more logical and so forth, so maybe it does make sense. At least, as you can see from the graphic below, I ended up right in the middle.

I just love what they had to tell me though: “How do we know? Well, deep down, your gender affects everything about you, from your favorite number to your views on Canada. Many men who took the test think and act just like you, as you can see from the clusters above. Statistically speaking, you are a dude. As we said, this test gets smarter with every taker, and it’s almost never wrong. You can make it even better by telling us it was right for you.” This is where they gave me the chance to tell them that they were right or not – whether I am really male or female. Then it said on the next page: “You know, for every question, we track very carefully what each gender answers. This allows us to guess with the utmost accuracy what you are. And in the rare case where we guess incorrectly (like now), we have the opportunity to learn from nature’s mistake. You. People like you, who walk the scary line between man and woman, are *very* helpful in understanding exactly what it means to be human. Thanks, and good luck.” SCARY??? Gee, thanks, I don’t think I am SCARY. Whatever.

Dinner at The Grotto last night was sooooo good, and then we went to see “Molly and the Ringwalds”. Tom is friends with one of the guys in the band. I liked the Ale House, I am going to have to make a note to go back there someday. (Naomi, let me know when it’s time for a roadtrip, ok? LOL) The band was *fun*. Lately, fun seems to be a big priority for me. I enjoyed being able to just relax and have a good time – it seems like I haven’t been able to do that for so long. I like being able to *relax* and just be myself. That has always been one of my favorite things about Tom – I can’t remember a time where I have ever felt like I couldn’t just be me with him. I realized last night that I have known him (and the other members of YAC) since March/April 1996. It’s hard to believe it was that long ago!

Time to go visit Napster before they get shut down. Ugh. I am going to set the pc up to download and then go work over on the laptop to get the other sub-pages for this site set up. The joys of having 2 computers!

I have now had a migraine of some degree since Tuesday. TUESDAY!!! I am so sick & tired of it. Then I woke up at 5:40 this morning. WIDE awake. Ummm, I am normally up at 7am at the earliest, and never that early on a Saturday when I can sleep in. So, wide awake, I watched the Oprah that I taped on Tuesday afternoon. Dr. Philip McGraw was on talking about weight loss, but what he had to say really hit home for me – not just about weight loss, but about life in general. You can’t change, you can’t improve until you “get real with yourself.” He was talking about how you can sit around and make all the excuses you want for your behavior and the problems in your life – but if you don’t make a dramatic turnaround, one that makes people say “Wow. You’re living different” then you are not going to succeed. It has to be *so* dramatic.

I got really into it. I actually grabbed a notebook and took over 4 pages of notes. I will post them tomorrow as a separate page. While he was talking about weight loss, I think it is really applicable to life as a whole. He also has a book that they kept talking about called “Life Strategies”. I think I will try to get over to Half Price Books after payday and see if they have it there.

Going out tonight to a dinner and then The Ale House to see a band. I used to go see bands all the time, but then stopped during the years of dating my I.O. (insignificant other) since he never wanted to. So I am pretty excited. Going with Tom H., who is nothing but fantastic company. Off to get ready – and I still have no clue what to wear! Ack!

Now Macromedia can play with the big kids. This should be interesting to watch.

I had a horrible migraine yesterday. I thought I was going to get another one today – ugh. I hate it when I get migraines. Fortunately, I caught the one today just in time, took some Excedrin and snapped out of it. Big sigh of relief.

Now here’s a thought… you know how sometimes you feel like you are the only one that has feelings that you don’t belong, that you are really 20-something trapped in an older body? You know – like maybe you don’t fit in with a group of people, coworkers or a group of friends, you feel uncomfortable. For different people it is in different situations, and some people deal with it a lot better then others. Now, what’s the point to this rambling? I don’t know. I just realized it last night when I talked to Tom and then it hit me today again when Naomi & I were talking. You see, if you haven’t already guessed it, I am “quirky”. And I am proud of it. I was feeling very quirky today – probably the migraine haze. Then Naomi starts to tell me that I never knew about her – which I think make her a very fascinating person. Does she think she is fascinating? NO. She came back with the fact that she isn’t living up to the “American Dream” – no husband, no kids, no fantastic amazing career. (FYI – I think her design work is fantastic!) Ok, here we go (with slight edits to spare the innocent):

.:Me: You have learned a lot, experienced a lot, and just because you are not conforming to what our *freaky* screwed up society considers “normal” does NOT make you a “washup”.
.:Her: yeah but in a practical sense… nothing to show for the time i spent… no degree (despite being close after 4 years of
school), no kids, lots of debt, don’t own anything of value, no investments…
.:Her: it’s not that i don’t place value in what i’ve done, but most other people and society do not. I wouldn’t trade a lot of my experiences, but at the same time i feel weird trying to fit in with other people my age, esp. in a “professional” environment.
.:Me: Well, me too. I think THAT is actually normal.
.:Me: I got married and divorced by the time I was 23. I had a kid under strained circumstances. I am a young single mom. So I don’t fit in w/ the “happy married couples” and I don’t fit in w/ the single people. (note: I don’t have a degree either, other then my 2 year program at Texas A&M where I majored in Aggie tradition and minored in the Dixie Chicken! You don’t get a piece of paper to frame for that, although I have considered printing my own special one for that program)
.:Her: no wonder we get along so well 🙂
.:Me: And I suspect that a lot of those happy normal married people have issues too – they just hide it well.
.:Her: *nod* i suspect you’re right
.:Me: Heck, I hide it well.
.:Me: Tom & I talked last night about how we feel like we have to live up to society’s expectations, even if it isn’t what we want to do.

I am sure you get the point. Then I went on to *prove* how little I fit in. I am 31, planning on going out to a “pub” here in Houston in the hip and cool part of town. Ummm… I have no clue what to wear! How is that for sad? I feel so ancient some days. But on the other hand, why do I have to feel so old? Why on earth can’t I just be my age – which is rather young if you ask me. Well, I have been through a lot in the past 10 years, not to mention that for 7.5 of those years I dated someone 14 years older then me. So I guess it is justified in a way. But at the same time it really bugs the heck out of me. Later this weekend I will add pieces from my journal from my retreat the last weekend of January – pretty interesting what pure journaling will allow you to break through and see.

Speaking of Naomi, she always finds the most interesting websites. Everyone should order these for their car. Definately a touch of class! Ok, ok, they are incredibly tacky, and in all honesty all I can see is some redneck driving around with them on their big truck with the gun rack in the back window. (Not something that Naomi or I would ever put on our beautiful vehicles!)

This site is simply hysterical… Things my girlfriend and I have argued about.