No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
– Alice Walker
Last fall, I had to make a decision regarding a friend. After many years, and an obviously destructive relationship, I had to “break up” with her. I think of her often; it is so random at times when my thoughts of her pop up. It may have been one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make regarding a friend.
But it is moments like this, moments when I read quotes like that (found on Myla Kent’s Flickr stream), that I know, without a doubt, that I made the right choice.
I would never tolerate a bad relationship with someone I was dating – not now, not after the lessons I have learned the hard way in life and the hurdles I have overcome – so why tolerate a bad relationship with a friend like that? It doesn’t make sense when you look at it that way, does it? I didn’t think so, so I made a hard call and decided to make a change. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments in passing where I think of her and wonder how she is doing. I wish her nothing but the best, but I know that I can not be a part of it.
Why do women do that? What is it about us that makes us willing to accept something like that? What makes someone the type of friend that would hold another friend back from reaching for her dreams?
6 replies on “”
I broke up with a friend recently as well. I think that they find a person whom they can take advantage of their kindness. You don’t really matter anymore, just what you can provide them. My weight was lifted when they were out of my life.
Amy
Been there, done that. So hard! Not something that’s much talked about, alas. She was a user of people and it took me a long time to admit that to myself…
I broke up with a friend several years back. It was tough because we had been friends since we were young, and I still think about her sometimes, but I know it is better this way.
I don’t know what it is about women that makes us feel like we have to hold on to our friends…whereas, if a man were treating us that way, we wouldn’t think twice about saying goodbye…
I had to do that recently as well. It was really hard but those things are allways for the best. I think we women feel like we need to be gracious and stick with it longer to ‘help’ the other person out of whatever their troubles are. Problem is, we usually end up getting hurt worse in the meantime.
The funny thing is….and I can only speak for myself in this…I have never had to dump a guy friend because he was “unhealthy” or because he was holding me back.
What’s that about? Is this why I have so few female friends? The ones I do have are really cool and completely unlikely to be unhealthy. If I get a whiff that they may have a little bit of the catty in them, I don’t even bother.
I think the reason we tolerate unhealthy relationships is tht we are conitioned by society to accept them. I don’t tolerate an unhealthy relationship with either a female friend or a male friend. Of course, sometimes I try to take the easy way out when dealing with a guy but I always end up getting tough. Which reminds me, that I have to do so tonight when I dump this guy.