I came home tonight, got some stuff done, started my lasagna for my New Year’s Eve dinner (I like it better reheated the second day) and then I decided to check my e-mail, post here, and so forth. Usual routine, right? Well … not so usual. Out of nowhere was an e-mail from the IO sent this afternoon.
Just reading your “Blah Blah Blog” and other related sites such as “BDIB” ……only really one word…….”Unbelievable”
What is unbelievable? That I have feelings? That I can hurt? That I can laugh? That I can have a life without you? That the world goes on? Who knows. I don’t. I honestly don’t even want to know what he thinks is “unbelievable”. I left it alone when he walked away. I had to write something back to that e-mail though, so I did.
That was it. No name. No chit chat. Two words and a period. Because while my mind is going through a million scenarios of what on earth he is thinking, I DO NOT want to know. As Naomi said, it was a toxic relationship, no matter how much I loved him.
Ironically, when I posted last night the whole New Year’s Eve saga, and I said at the end how when I do things now that he would have hated … this blog is one of those things. I don’t know how he found my site, and I don’t want to know. It’s been here well over a year – why today? Who knows. If he wants to follow my life that’s just fine. (FINE. Just FINE.) My first reaction when I read his e-mail was “Ooooh no, I am going to be in SOOO much trouble.” WHAT is THAT??? What does that tell you about the relationship? Exactly. I have no desire to walk on eggshells and I won’t edit myself. I am out of that relationship. Obviously for good reason. Whatever. (I tossed that in just for him in case he does read this.) Read away. Maybe now you can see me for who I am TODAY instead of holding over my head who I was 9 years ago. Maybe you’ll like me, maybe you won’t – and either way, I don’t really care. You can’t hurt me any more.