I just read Amy Bloom on Why Women Love Bad Boys. Whoa. I love how she said, “Mainly, I think people are afraid. Most of all, people afraid of being alone. And so they tend to settle for partners whom, if they were looking for friends, those people wouldn’t even make it onto the short list.” The whole article is so right on target, it was just what I needed to read tonight. And the last paragraph, “In a spouse, look for what you would look for in a friend, plus sexual attractiveness. Loyalty, trust, sense of humor, kindness. Commitment to the friendship. Positive feelings toward you. Those are things that we actually expect in our friends, and those things are important.” Makes me think of the IO and how we didn’t have those things. Good article. I’ll have to print it out and keep it handy as a reminder not to fall back into the “comfortable” relationship that only leaves me miserable. Every single time I talk to the IO I walk away shaking my head and wondering why I did it again. Time after time. And yet I hold on to this insane belief that “this time it will be different, this time things will change.” Nope. Never does. Tonight he was upset because I asked him to call me, and he replied with his usual “or you can call me.” I guess that it is better to him if I call him? Who knows. I asked when to call, we agreed on 10pm. I fell asleep on the couch, woke up after 11 and couldn’t decide if it was too late to call or not. Suddenly he IM’s me. “Thanks for calling”. I told him what happens, but he is still in a hissy fit mood. I offered to all right then, just a quick call. “No, I am going to bed”. This went on for about 20 minutes – where if I had just called then I wouldn’t be mad right now! How lame is that, someone wants to call you and you say no but you can then go on & discuss it. Look, there I go shaking my head in confusion again.
I do not NEED a man in my life. I want a man in my life. There is a huge difference. I also want the strength to walk away from *him*. He keeps proving over and over that things will never change. And as long as he thinks it is acceptable to treat me like that he does not deserve me. (Said with that sassy hair-flipping tone!)
Forcing myself to change the subject… I went to court this afternoon for my speeding ticket. The cop that gave me the ticket was there – and yet they dismissed my case. “Insufficient Evidence”. Huh? Ok, I was speeding. 74 in a 60. (On I-45 in Houston, 74 is pretty much going with the flow) He pulled me over & wrote me a ticket. Where is this lack of evidence? Don’t get me wrong – I didn’t question them about this *at all*. I just wonder why they do that. I am very thankful that they do though – I really didn’t need another bill to add to the pile!