Standing Up…

This post started all nice and sweet. Then it got less sweet. Then it became way too long and overly passionate. Now I just have to say what I think and how I feel.

Drama has flared up in the Blogosphere again, and I wasn’t going to say anything – again. I was going to let the latest drama just fly on by, because I don’t read the site that was home to the drama (avoiding it is best for my stress levels) and I was only hearing about it from others. But after spending some time reading and re-reading Trish’s post, I could not sit in silence anymore. (By the way, if this post is full of holes for you, you can fill them in there.) It’s the same thing, every time. Every month or two, someone gets roasted – and I want to make it clear that I am far from the flames.

I’ve been venting for months that I get so frustrated at times that people associate my blogs with other blogs. I write for me, for myself, and share what I think. My blog is a drama free zone. Last time I think I went off on a troll, it was someone that I still suspect was either my former employer or my ex – and that was about two years ago. Flame wars don’t happen here and that’s a good thing.

The bad thing is that I am afraid that people assume that they can’t comment here because of the circle they think I’m a part of, that they think they aren’t one of my friends so they can’t, or the worst, they associate me with other bloggers that tend to send posses after people. Yes, I’ve written about all of this before, always in vague terms.

That is not me. I am not one of them.

I don’t read the blogs you probably think I read, and I don’t want to be thought of as one of them.

And I’ve been too chickenshit for the past 7 months to just flat out say that.

I’m shaking like a leaf just saying it now.

How freakin’ sad is that? How wrong is it that I am actually afraid to speak out on my own blog and say “I am not one of them” because I fear the wrath of those words?

NO blogger should cause people to shake with fear. NO ONE. And yet there are some that do. They have this power, and they don’t care how they weild it or who it hurts. With great power comes great responsibility. Power abused is a terrible thing. And I am sick and tired of it. I am tired of people assuming that I’m like that. I am tired of meeting bloggers in person, and being asked about the Blogosphere drama queen.

I don’t have the answers. I haven’t for months. I’ve tried to sort it out, I used to make excuses, and then I walked away. I couldn’t take it any more. It’s like a cult, and I left. Which is never easy. It’s not easy for me to walk away from someone that for over a year I considered a close friend. I haven’t felt that way for months now, and I don’t think I ever will again in this case. Normally I try to repair friendships, but I have seen this unending pattern for some time now, and I don’t think there is a fix. I decided long ago, after witnessing things that happened offline, no more. But I kept it to myself.

So many people have been hurt by this behavior in the past. People have stopped blogging because of attacks, or taken their sites to hidden spots to avoid further abuse. When you reach the point of contacting someone’s employer because of things said online, that is going too far. It disgusts me even more to hear that people are cheering this behavior on. If there is more to the story, that’s fine – but don’t post half of it and not the rest. Take it private.

What point has the blog society reached? Is this really how we want to treat each other?

It’s not how I want to treat anyone, and I never want to be treated like that. Blacklist me, delink me, block my e-mails, whatever. I don’t care. I refuse to live in fear. I was asked months ago by numerous people why I didn’t stand up and publically say something. Fear. Followed by my too optimistic desire to make everything ok, keeping everyone happy. I will not be afraid any longer.

Enough is enough. I’ve tried to say it for months in subtle ways, but enough of that. This will be the LAST time I speak out on a Blogosphere drama, but this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

So, once and for all, for the record… I am a free-thinking, free-standing, blogger for ME. I always have been. I have friends that I adore, but I think for myself. I would not ever be a part of something so horrid as these latest events. I’ve been to scared to say this for months, but no more. Read my site for who I am, but please don’t think that I am the sort that will tear you to shreds for what you say here in response.

DISCLAIMER: Big Pink Cookie is a drama free, comment friendly zone. If you disagree with me, that’s ok. This time, something had to be said – for all the times I’ve been silent before.

By Christine

Christine is an Avenger of Sexiness. Her Superpower is helping Hot Mamas grow their Confidence by rediscovering their Beauty. She lives in the Heights in Houston, Texas, works as a boudoir photographer, and writes about running a Business of Awesome. In her spare time, she loves to knit, especially when she travels. She & her husband Mike have a food blog at Spoon & Knife.

90 replies on “Standing Up…”

Guys, I think you all have it wrong about cool-whip. The real evil is Jello, made from gelatin which “manufactured by partial hydrolysis of collagen found in bones, hooves, connective tissues, and skin of animals.” Now that is gross.

Nor is it kosher.
(or should that be Knorr?)

additionally – real whipped cream is definitely better than Cool Whip. imo

((Christine)) I hope you feel better posting what you did. I’ll admit I don’t really understand the “power” she has over people to make them feel afraid…but I guess it’s just that bully mentality that never goes away with some people. I will say that she totally attacked a close friend of mine in her comments when this person POLITELY, open-mindedly, and lightheartedly disagreed with her. I still read her blog regularly because it’s interesting to me, but yeah…the drama is becoming a bit much.

*waves to Laura* And you even spoke up about it on your blog afterwards… which took guts, in my opinion because of all the things mentioned here. The bully mentality, the circle of friends she has that go out and roast you for daring to disagree…

Good for you for speaking up, Christine. I admit, I thought you were a Robyn-follower, too, and it bugged me! LOL! I just don’t understand the mentality of the ones who stand by her and swear she is the nicest person you’d ever meet. I’ve yet to see her exhibit any sort of niceness! Anyway, it’s heartening to see so many people speaking up, taking a stand and not being scared to voice their opinion on this any longer. It should have happened a long time ago, but I guess just now is enough finally enough.

Man, I have to open my blog back up and stop leaving such lengthy comments on everyone else’s blog, I think!

This was not a blog drama, a fight, a war, a flame, or anything like it. I never saw it that way. I can only speak for myself, and I wrote my post because I was upset about something that people have been afraid to talk about for far too long, and the most recent event was just one of many.

It was being talked about, and not linked, for that same fear. That’s unfortunate, and hopefully, people will feel less threatened about speaking up now when a blogger’s behavior bothers them.

Good post, Christine.

i’m all for meeting other bloggers in person… especially now! i’ve met some great people (like Christine), and like Christine said, once you do, you can hear their voice through their words. it does put a whole new wonderful spin on things.

it’s really disheartening that this keeps on going on… it makes headline news because it involves a well-known blogger. but it happens everywhere… face-to-face even… you just need to learn how to remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse.

Christine – i commend you on this post as it was very well said. i hate that you had to be roped into this mess when all you wanted was to stay out of it. i know it was hard for you to type out this entry and it takes courage to come from someone who was just an innocent bystander. and as a fellow Libra, i know it was hard to weigh both sides of the situation. and that’s why you just had to put your foot down and say enough is enough. i think i was one of those people who asked you to say something because i know you could do it very coherently.

screw the jello and the pie… it’s fried pickles, baby!

Oh… now I want to skip the gym and go to Black-eyed Pea!

You did ask me to do that Kathy, as did others. People that I watched get hurt, and while I tried to say things about it privately, I never said it publically. I wish I had back then, and I am glad I finally did now.

As to whether or not anyone got fired, I don’t know. What I do know is that I have now clearly stated that I don’t attend the frequent “Blogger BBQ” meetings. From here on out, I’m staying far from the flames.

Christine, thanks for saying what you did.

I’ve found that there alot of blogs that the author just can not stand it if you even slightly disagree. Even if you are disagreeing on your OWN blog. They are all about freedom of speech on their on webspace, and will defend it til the end. But let someone else say something contrary on their own space, and the original person demands for it to be taken down or their followers deem the other person to be a troll.

It all just makes me so sad.

What I really hate about these blogwars is that if we try to remain neutral, then person 1 will stop reading us because we read person 2, and vice versa… Everybody loses. ๐Ÿ™

I couldn’t get through half of the replies before I just had to scroll on down and post my own. I’m uh. impatient that way.

I’m adding my 2ยข to the penny jar…

Anyone who doesn’t love a good lemon meringue has a serious problem. And you know what else? There really IS always room for jay-ee-el-el… OH!

Viva la free-thinking, free-posting, free-standing, free-parking, free-agency, free-of-charge bloggers!

I was driving one day…I can’t even recall when…and I saw a lady, and thought “hey…that looks like Christine from bigpinkcookie” and sure…it wasn’t you because…you don’t live here…
and everytime I drive past a starbucks…I think “I wonder if they have pink cookies”

and that is all I associate you with.
sorry for being random:)

OMG…Fried Pickles are from heaven. And now I’m craving them darnit.

You know, whether the person got fired or not is SO beside the point. It’s the fact that it was even a possiblity, it’s the fact that someone would be so EVIL as to try and make that happen – THAT is the point. And to the person that said we don’t even know if the person was fired – that is SO a copout. Keep trying to excuse reprehensible behavior Seki. It’s ok though, because I’m a firm believer in Karma. And when it bites you in the ass, guess what? I’ll feel bad for you. Because that’s the kind of person *I* am.

This is so bizarre to me. I am fairly new to blogging, but I just don’t understand all of the behind-the-scenes stuff that I hear about. What’s the point of it all? (BTW, did anyone else read ‘Dear Abby” today? I read it right after I read Christine’s post and was totally cracking up.
Christine, your points were very nicely stated. I couldn’t agree with you more. I have really been enjoying your blog…thanks.

“Fortunately true friends that know the whole story don’t either.”

:: robyn :: July 9, 2003 09:49 PM ::

I don’t have a blog, and maybe bloggers who do aren’t interested in comments from somebody who doesn’t blog but I do enjoy reading many, many of them and I have followed what has been happening not only with this particular war, but previous ones where vitriolic battles have consumed dozens of blogs over a period of several days. I have noticed that the comments left about the above person I quoted have been increasingly negative over the last few days. Because I do not have a blog, I do not get involved with the lives of these people, yet when people write on the internet, they become “known” to everyone who reads them. Writing opens up one’s soul to whomever reads that person. And I have read Christine’s blog for the longest time as well as Robyn’s, and I can safely say that the comment I have quoted says exactly what most people have been saying: Robyn has made an attempt at making Christine feel like a “non-friend” because she spoke her mind about something that bothered her. I have seen Robyn grill people on her site to the point of demoralization. Christine’s handling of her post was,in my opinion, to the point, articulate, and most importantly, objective. Yet Robyn comes on here with a biting comment about how her “true friends who know the WHOLE story don’t think it was wrong.”
I don’t know. I never was impressed with her style of self-absorption to begin with. Maybe some of her followers are. But it appears that finally most bloggers have had enough of this “popularity” contest and will be more able to write without constraint of concern regarding what “list” they’re on.

I was proud of myself that I didn’t know who or what you were talking about as I read your post. Then I got to your comments.

Oh. Good for you. I stopped reading that blog and it’s supporting cast of courtiers months ago for exactly the same reasons. I have contact with enough stress puppies and drama mamas in the real world to want to follow them online too.

You know what you need? You need to play a nice game of 1KBWC. ๐Ÿ™‚

Or maybe come down my way next month and make some bad art. ๐Ÿ™‚

Uhm… I agree, and I don’t agree.

And it’s not because of who is who, but the circumstances are all different. In the case of Moxiepop, that was *very* wrong. In the case of Dooce, well personally, I think that was a bit heavy-handed, and her employer she should have gotten a warning, but her posts were the equivalent of buying airtime on tv or the radio to bash her company (and we’ve all done that from time to time on our sites.).

In the case of Robyn, I was there for that one this dude was harrassing her, simple and plain.

To me, I don’t see much of a difference between that and calling her on his company phone, and calling back as she keeps hanging up on him. Informing this guy that he shouldn’t be doing this on company time was the only way to get him to back off.

As far as using such a thing as a retaliatory tactic for anyone we don’t like… I think that sucks. It reminds me of those petty-ass bored housewives that would call child abuse on a woman they don’t like in the PTA.

I don’t think you should be afraid to express your viewpoints, Christine. You present them clearly and with a certain level of respect, and I think your visitors should return that same respect back to you.

Many true points there, Eric. This post wasn’t prompted by one event though. This post was prompted by many, many events – and the fact that my immediate reaction was “oh no, not again…”

As I said before, I have thought about this post for some time. I have tried to say it without being so direct. I have been more direct about it in private. And I had to, once and for all, point out to people that I don’t roast people on my site. As someone pointed out to me privately, they have observed people thinking of Robyn & I as “Yin and Yang” and people assume that because she takes such heavy-handed tactics, I will too. I don’t, and I never had. I needed to finally point that out to the general public.

i’m not afraid to comment. of course, i also didn’t know that you were supposed to be part of a blog cult, or that there was new blog drama (the last I’d heard was the moxie thing, which struck me as too trivial to comment on.)

I am not a reader of any of the people involved in any of these dust-ups, and while I suspect that’s not a coincidence, the reason I’m commenting here is just as an appreciation of you, Christine.

I definitely was someone who did once have the impression of you being part of sort of a “clique”. But that impression was banished quite a long time ago, because you make such a consistent effort to let people know that you are open to all. You encourage comments from absolutely everyone, you never, ever make unkind or gratuitous comments about other people, and it seems to me that you are one of the more generous people in the blog world in terms of the time you spend in sharing what you know. It has seemed to me for a long time that who your pals are or aren’t is essentially irrelevant to my perception of you. So I did not need to feel intimidated in any way.

I didn’t come here intending to write a little love note, but really it is how I feel. You’ve done a brave thing by being honest about your point of view. It shouldn’t feel so risky to tell the truth (about anything, I don’t mean specifically about this), but in fact telling the truth is often the very hardest thing to do. Thanks for doing so.

Christine, I’m coming late to the game, so I have no real idea of what has gone on (I try to keep blinders on when it comes to online antics, since I don’t know any of the players well enough to get involved). I do know that I respect you tremendously for taking a stand on something that you feel strongly about. No one should be afraid to speak their mind, especially to friends. If you can’t be honest with your friends, what’s the point of having them? =)

(P.S. Is all this drama what’s keeping you from installing those modules for me? <wink>)

Rhymes with “looptid”
Finally. An online quiz that sums up exactly how I feel about all those online quiz takers (present company excluded, of course). What Kind Of Toothpaste Are You? Via Toothpaste for Dinner Further Reading: Looks like Christine and I had similar thought…

A whole lotta lovin’ is what we’ll be bringin’
For every stubborn child blog out there (see previous post), I am sure there are 6 enjoyable ones I’ve missed. To be honest, there are several blogs I always check in on. And I know they check in on me. We don’t leave each other comments much, but that…

Yes, it’s one of those posts. About my place in the blogosphere. Today, I read Christine’s post about the drama that happens between some bloggers. Back when I kept a blog under a different name, I linked to lots of…

Comments Revisited
It seems that I’m not the only one who picked up on people going overboard with their blog comments. There is more discussion over here and over here. It’s just something that you might want to give a moment’s thought…

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