I talked earlier today about my energy level. I have so many things I want to do, and there never seems to be enough time to do it all. Tonight as I read a few of my favorite creative blogs, I realized one of the main issues that is bothering me.
I have bottled up creative energy that I’m not allowing to flow.
I started to figure it out last night, as I read one of my “Back in Time” posts from 2002. I’ve seen it before in my own writing, but never really figured it out until now. My writing lately sucks. Ok, maybe it doesn’t suck, but it has been seriously lacking. Reading through my old writing, I sense the void in my writing of the past several months.
I’ve said many times in the past 6 months that I want to change. I keep saying that things will be changing around here, and yet they never do. Some of that ties in to the fact that with my job now, I don’t have the time online (or the energy to be online) that I used to have.
Mike is also a factor in all of this. He is wonderful, and I’m glad he has a blog too. He can share in the online aspect of my world. However, a year ago my blog was my outlet. My place to vent, my place to rant, my place to share. Now I share a lot of items with him that I say I am going to blog about later, but I never get around to writing about it.
I miss writing like that. I miss pouring out my thoughts in to words. Now that I recognize these things, I can try to work on it. It may not be every day, but more than the present. That would make me happy.
I have also said for some time that I blog for myself, not for anyone else. I used to write whatever I wanted to about my feelings. Now? I had a moment last night when I was watching TV and thought about something I wanted to blog about. I knew it was potentially a topic that could explode in to a flame war on me though – and I told Mike about it and that I wouldn’t write about it. Today I realized how frustrating that is. I want to write what I think and what I feel. I care about the people reading my site, but I don’t care enough to sacrafice my feelings.
Add on top of my desire to write the fact that I want to take better photographs and all of the other projects I want to finish, and I have a lot to do. But I can do it. Knowing what I need to do is the biggest step, and while the fluff posts will still exist, expect things to turn around here from time to time. I have a lot inside still that I want to share.
13 replies on “Stuck But Climbing Out…”
Surgeon specific says: GOOD FOR YOU! 😀 With my personal blog, I always feel like there’s a struggle between writing what I want and writing what I think people will want to read. It seems like it should be so easy to just write whatever I want to, but there’s always this tugging that “oh, it should appeal to this or that person.” So good luck with that – I know how tough it can be. 😉
I also know how you feel about creative projects and time – now that I’m working, I feel like I have much less energy and inclination when it comes to the creative projects I plan for myself. There are several “blog” related things that I’d like to get done really soon (preferably over this summer) and several other fairly large projects I’d like to get started, but just the thought of them all together overwhelms me so that by the time I get home from work, the only thing I want to do is read or watch TV. Maybe we can spur each other on 😉
Let it out, girl! Write about whatever the hell you want, wether it’s politics or clothes or movies or all of the above. And if it DOES turn into a flame war, so what?? Big deal. Just don’t respond to the dopes that don’t bother to act mature. It’s not like you’ll ever really know any of the people who are talking smack to ya – chances are if someone you know/are friends with disagrees with you, they’ll try to have a rational discussion about it. Trolls and whatnot in comments are silly, and you definitely shouldn’t hold back because of them.
I totally hear you on wanting to write about something but never getting around to it. I find myself all geared up to write while I’m doing other things, but when I sit down at my computer, I draw a blank. It really is frustrating!
I don’t mind the fluff but I can understand your frustration.
This post for example was wonderful, intriguing, part of you. I could tell that you really are writing from the heart.
This is hard to do, in such a public place. It is hard to reveal the way you feel and to say what you want to say.
What if you change your mind or what if someone doesn’t agree? Well, that is life, whether you write it down or not.
Embrace your creativity, Christine I’ll support you. :o)
Whatever happened to your restricted entries? Just post what you think isn’t postable there.
looking forward to hearing it christine! and you have a new camera to play around with which is exciting as well. creativity is an ever changing art, and is different for everyone. and as we learn and grow our creative outlets change as well. for me, the most difficult times are when i am floating around without a real direction and i need something to center me. and when i don’t know what that is, it freaks me out.
Good for you!
I think that’s something a lot of us struggle with. The balance between our inner selves and the fluffy fun stuff.
Curses! My nefarious plot to crumble the cookie is exposed!
But seriously. You know I’m in the same boat – we talked about that yesterday – but I look forward to reading more of your writing. Creative outlets are what got me playing the fiddle in London – it was an outlet for creativity that I didn’t realize I needed until I started.
Christine –
seems like most people here think you should go ahead and post what you think. i disagree. i mean, how can you remain an anonymous, faceless, boring member of the blogpack if you start posting things that are different or that make people think? and come on, discussions on a subject (especially ones that involve flaming) are so bad.
just to prove it to you, i’m going to flame you for even thinking about being different from everyone else. you seem to have a problem with being different from everyone. i mean, come on, PINK? couldn’t you have chosen a color that isn’t so obnoxious? Who likes pink? You are such a reject for making a pink website. Right now, you need to get a new site, name it biggraycookie and do a simple no frills gray layout like the rest of the world. and no interesting fonts either. I mean, do you really think you’re special enough for a PINK website? no. you my friend, need to keep your mouth shut and get a grey website. just face it.
some people. sha.
Wow.. I’m not sure why, but I had the strangest sense of dé ja vous reading this….
Oh, and I like pink:)
hm… was my sarcasm not obvious enough?
i pull off a straight face pretty well i guess.
Kirsten, you had me cracking up this morning. I just haven’t had time to e-mail you about it. I needed that comment! 🙂 I think tonight I’ll make the post that brings on the flame war, just because I hate being so faceless and boring…
I know what you mean. Sometimes I REALLY want to blog about something but am just afraid to. Either I’m afraid of troll backlash (I’ve wanted to blog about my thoughts on religion lately)… or I’m afraid certain people will find my blog (mother in law, other relatives). I should have made my blog more anonymous… but maybe not, I can’t be me if I’m not… being me. I’ve been wanting to dig out my old journals and start writing the things I can’t blog about. Then I get frustrated that I feel I can’t blog them. Maybe I will… maybe I won’t. I hear myself in your words. 🙂
creative?
What is creativity? Christine posted about creativity in her life and it got me thinking about how I use my internet space, photography, and time in general to be more creative. Before I started blogging, I hardly wrote at all….