The Truth of Reality…

I never used to be the type of person to get stressed out and worried over every little thing. Now, certain things can make me quite anxious. Most of the time I can figure out the path that has lead me to my new-found anxiety, which helps for some reason, but it still bothers me that I can be so paranoid at times. I think it’s a symptom for the most part of being a Dot Com Bomb victim in the past. Matter of fact, today marks the 1 year anniversary of the day I left my last Dot Com related job. But that’s not the point right now…

My Mom left me a voice mail message at work yesterday to let me know that they were admitting my Dad to the hospital to administer IV drugs. She wanted to know if I could take Jason to his Scout meeting (my Dad normally goes), but she didn’t leave any more details on the message.

I felt the waves of panic coming on as I tried to reach her or my Dad. I called every number I had, but had no luck getting ahold of anyone for 20 – 30 minutes.

My Dad has had problems with high blood pressure and diabetes since I was 10 – maybe even earlier, but that was when he was diagnosed. He is the first male in his direct family tree line to make it past 50 in 4 generations or so. My grandfather died in his 40s thanks to a stroke. My great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather also died in their 40s. So the reason for my worry over the past 25 years is pretty valid. It’s not something I think about often, but I think about it – especially after seeing a cardiologist myself last week.

I finally spoke to my Mom. It turned out that my Dad bumped his arm last Wednesday. On Friday he went in to see the doctor because it was red and inflamed. They put him on antibiotics, but yesterday he went to see an orthopedic about it. It still hurt, and he was worried that maybe he had broken his arm. He didn’t – but it is still red, inflamed, and really hot from his elbow to his wrist. Obviously, after 3 days on antibiotics, that shouldn’t have been the case.

So they admitted him to the hospital and are administering antibiotics via IV. I am sure that he will be ok. But I can’t help but worry that he won’t be. I’m angry because I know he doesn’t take good care of himself like he should – he’s on medicine for his blood pressure and insulin for his diabetes, but this morning when I told him I would be at the hospital tomorrow for my arterial doppler and we could “do breakfast” he said jokingly that I should bring him donuts and coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. Yeah, sure.

I’ll bring a diabetic some donuts. No thanks – I’m not going to enable him to eat poorly. I know he was joking, but I know it’s not too far from the truth either.

More than being angry, I’m scared. I guess that’s part of growing up and being an adult – facing the reality that life doesn’t go on forever and your parents won’t always be around. I know he will come out of this just fine, I’m not worried about that. It’s just a reality I don’t like to think about, and it’s scary when life jars you and makes you realize the truth.

By Christine

Christine is an Avenger of Sexiness. Her Superpower is helping Hot Mamas grow their Confidence by rediscovering their Beauty. She lives in the Heights in Houston, Texas, works as a boudoir photographer, and writes about running a Business of Awesome. In her spare time, she loves to knit, especially when she travels. She & her husband Mike have a food blog at Spoon & Knife.

23 replies on “The Truth of Reality…”

It is unnerving to face the mortality of our parents, more so to face the mortality of ourselves and our partners – which with your tests, you have to have felt at least once… I am glad that your dad is going to be all right. I hope they find the reason for the inflammation soon.

I worry about my parents all of the time. It’s unfathomable to me that they won’t live forever, but it’s becoming more and more clear that not only will they not live forever, but that it might sooner rather than later when they pass away.

I absolutely understand where you’re coming from, Christine. Please keep us updated on both your and your dad’s situations.

Yeah I’m going through that right now. Ralph and I were talking about this the other day. It is getting to the point where people that I care about are getting ill or dying. I want to go back to being a kid, when everyone I knew was still alive and well.

In some ways – I never had that. My grandfather died 4 years before I was born. So there was always some sense of the reality there – so I’ve always harped on my Dad for not taking care of himself like he should.

I keep flipping from being scared to being angry. I’m tired of thinking about all of it…

I was never that close to the people who have passed away in my life. The most recent one, I was close to, but still so far away.

My parents never tell me what’s going with them, especially if it’s health related. I guess it’s because they don’t want to burden their daughters. *knock on wood* my parents haven’t been to the hospital since we were born. They’ve been to the doctor, my dad has gout, but that’s about it. They have high blood pressure, too, but my mom is a stickler about taking vitamins and being healthy and she will nag to no end.

Your dad will come out fine. Our parents are immortal in our eyes.

He has type II diabetes – adult onset. He took pills for years in an attempt to control it, and has been using insulin now for a year or two. I still don’t think he has his levels down to what they should be, which makes me just want to scream.

Not that I’m in perfect health and have much room to talk, but still…

I had something similar. Not with my parents but with my younger sister. She had Cystic Fibrosis.

It was frustrating as hell to see her forget medication, do something risky, etc. At times I swear she was doing it to spite me. My later theory was that she was trying to spite “it”.

I suppose the bottom line is that you can’t run other people’s lives for them. Hang around for the times when they need you.

i’ve been living these same issues these past few months, with the recent passing of my brother-in-law. i know what you mean. i often find myself thinking “i’m too young to have to deal with this” when the truth is, none of us are. i worry for my dad, living alone in his big ‘ol house – stubbernly refusing any offers for assistance. i find myself wondering if that new ache in my side, or stiffness in my back, is something i should be concerned about. you know, sometimes growing up can just suck. i guess the only truth is we have to live our lives like each day is our last. *hugs* to you and your dad.

I’m sorry about your dad! My dad passed last month and he had Type II diabetes. I wasn’t close with him. You are lucky to have a dad. *HUGS* I will be thinking good thoughts for your family.

Dennis, you’re probably right about trying to spite “it” – after losing his own father when he was only 18, I’m sure there is a part of him that decided to live life to the fullest, medical needs be damned. Dieting sucks, and denying yourself the “good things” in life is hard. But it’s a little more motivating when that denial will allow you to live a longer life – or rather it *should* be.

I noticed that I got a lot more concerned about my parents after I turned 30 – suddenly they just seemed so old!

I hope everything turns out fine with your dad.

Worrying about your parents has to be the worst part about growing up. My dad had what turned out to be a minor heart problem this summer but the worrying and fears were still major. My mom was completely (and unrealistically) prepared for my dad to die. I couldn’t even say the word. I literally could not make my mouth form that one syllable. It’s hard and I’ve got a feeling it doesn’t get any better as they get older.

I hope it all works out well for your dad.

it is scary to move into adulthood and realize that things don’t always stay the same. eventually people get older and our parents are included in that. it is a harsh reality to face. my real mom died when i was 8 (she was 32), so i learned that lesson quite young. however, when it does hit you it is extremely unnerving and hard to deal with. over time it does get better.

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