In case you were wondering, last night was exactly what I needed. No, my problems didn’t magically disappear – they were still there when I woke up this morning – but I felt a lot better about them, and I have ideas on how to deal with some of the issues now. In the end, that is what matters most.
I’m leaving the office and heading to the Cantina to meet up with Syd. Oh, I didn’t think it would ever be time. Don’t you hate that feeling? When you’re watching the clock so you can go do something you’re really looking forward to? I spent my whole day like that – and now it’s finally time. Yeah!
Maybe I should call the bartender and tell him to have my margarita ready. Frozen, with salt please. How do you like yours?
Headache. Sinus pain. Hormonal. Moody. Stressed. Tired. Quiet. Sore. Grinding my teeth. Sad. Worried. Busy.
Seriously looking forward to girl time with Sydney tonight over margaritas, chips and queso at the Cantina.
Mike and I were talking last night about some upcoming trips that we have in the works, and it lead to a discussion about travel in general, and the things we like to do when we go and visit places. He said that he likes to see the sights and sample the local cuisine. However, he has to be careful, because he will try to cram too much in to one day, and in the end it just stresses him out, so the idea of traveling as a tourist doesn’t appeal to him.
I don’t travel like that. I’m a very laid back traveler, as I’m sure Jennifer can verify for me. I just want to be there – wherever there may be – soaking up the local feel and rhythm. Sure, there are specific sites I must see – like the Old North Church in Boston last summer. But if I miss something, that’s ok. If I feel rushed, I slow down. I’m on vacation, I have all the time in the world.
And of course, I have my camera with me.
My camera is my best friend when I’m traveling. In some ways it’s like my shield, protecting me from the strangeness around me. Nothing looks strange through my viewfinder. If I’m alone, it’s ok, I have my camera. I can always take pictures. It makes it easier to ignore the strangers around me, as the introvert in me comes out and I don’t want to have to deal with them. If I’m with friends, it inspires me to point out the interesting things that I see. I must have a camera there – or two, or three.
The summer after my senior year in high school, we went on a family vacation. Our first stop was Minnesota, and I was having a blast doing things with my cousin Renee. Then it came time to head on over to North Dakota – and I didn’t want to go. “I’ll be bored” followed by “there will be nothing to do.” My Mom pointed out to me that everything in life is what you make of it, and if I went there with that attitude, I would be bored. I was making myself miserable. So the first day after we arrived, I took my 35mm SLR camera out and went to take pictures. The park, the lake, Main street. Eventually I saw other kids my age, and they asked what I was doing. We started talking, and before I knew it I was having a great time and meeting new people. My camera helped give me a reason to be out there, to meet them. Sometimes I need that nudge.
As I drove in to work this morning, I realized something. Some people talk about how they see things in HTML. Me? I see the world in pictures. There must have been at least five things that I spotted during my commute that made me wish I had time so I could pull over and take pictures. Signs, colors, buildings, flowers. I analyze everything by the photo I could take of it. After that I think about what I see as a blog post. Is there a story to tell here? What is it? Why is the man sitting there on the corner – does he have a home? What is the history of that old church building? Can I blog about it? What story can I share?
I see the world in photographs and stories. How do you see yours?
Is being paranoid part of being an adult? I mean, is it just me? Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like people are talking about you behind your back? When did this happen? I wasn’t this skeptical of people when I was growing up. I wasn’t like this 10 years ago. Now I look at people some days and just wonder what their ulterior motive is; what it is that they are out to gain by their actions. Not everyone, but some people. It is all amplified in the web world. Maybe I’ve just seen too many people get screwed over and stabbed in the back. I don’t know. Maybe it really is just me. Either way, this feeling sucks. Mean people suck.
I woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed this morning. I didn’t mean to, obviously. This whole paranoid issue came up and got me thinking, and I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. I must pull myself out of this funk. I can’t stand being in a funk like this – I would much rather be happy. I’m a paranoid optimist – I can’t handle being a paranoid pessimist. So to help defunktify myself, here are some positive things for me to focus on:
:: It is a nice, sunny day outside. Little white puffball clouds. The downtown skyline is shimmering from within.
:: My workout plan is showing. I have lost 2″ already. Ok, 2″ isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but it’s better than nothing. More importantly, I can see the results and feel it in how my clothes fit.
:: My Cirque du Soleil CD, Allegria, is on. I love the music. Soothing.
:: My first roll of film from the Kiev 35A will be ready to be picked up today. I can’t wait to see how the pictures turned out!
:: I have wonderful family and friends that I know love me. (Even in my most paranoid of moments.)
:: Jason said this morning that he is feeling better – a lot better than he has felt since June 8. Yes, he’s been battling this tummy crud for a week and a half, and it was good news to hear he was feeling better.
:: You guys amused me and really made me happy with the 100+ comments on the Mission: Comments post. Sometimes it’s the little things in life.
:: Ste’s comment on that thread prompted me to e-mail him and tell him of my “Commenter Blogroll” wish. Within hours, I had code to put in to place and it works perfectly.
:: I found some really good new reads. I had no idea that some of you were blurking here – I’m glad you came out and said hi. Don’t be shy – feel free to speak up any time.
:: Mike. Mike rocks, and I don’t tell him often enough. Mike? You ROCK. *mwuah!*
:: Speaking of Mike, the Lager Rhythms will be performing for public consumption on Saturday night. You can come hang out with all of us at Anderson Fair for good times. I’ll post the full details later or you can read them at the H-Town blogs site.
:: As for the H-Town bloggers, I’m considering trying to get them together for the 4th of July. Who’s game? Fireworks in downtown, day in the park!
You know what? That really does help make me feel better. What are some of the positive things that make you smile? Feel free to share, I could use the lift.