BDIB. Really.

For any of this to make sense, you need to understand the history. You see, there was once this, uh, Bunny, on Sex and the City. Charlotte (the sweet innocent one) didn’t have any forest friends. So when she saw the Bunny, she liked it because “It doesn’t look scary at all.” Well, I have this friend (no! really! her – not me!) who got her boyfriend at the time to take her to a sex shop so she could get a Bunny too. But alas, they broke up soon after that. And in her Dear John parting e-mail, she signed it …

Bunny Does it Better.

Over the years, that has become BDIB for speed-typing purposes. I’ve threatened to have bumper stickers made. Keychains. T-shirts. Heck, I already own the domain.

So while on IM, I was talking with a male friend tonight about the Bunny. (He has requested to remain anonymous and I always try to protect the, errr, not so innocent.) It all started so simple – I was babbling as always about my love of Europe. Stop rolling your eyes at me. So he said:

Because, you know, in Paris, it’s all “Le lapin il améliore.”

What? Well, as he put it – “<thick french accent>The bunny, he does it better, no? </accent>”

But, alas… I pointed out that in reality, the bunny does NOT do it better. No hugs. No kisses. No cuddling.

He continued to send me foreign translations. “Das Häschen verbessert es.” and “El conejito mejora.” Then he went on to observe that “The bunny does it better when you need to scrath on type of itch, s’all. If your itch doesn’t match the bunny, then hey.”

But that itch just passes. Human contact is a much better thing. Now … human contact WITH the bunny added in … I’ve heard THAT is a good thing. I mean. You know. People say.

He went on to point out, “ee, and that takes all the pressure off the guy. It’s another power tool – something we should all be familiar with. It might not be black, gunmetal gray, or have a trigger grip, but it’s in the same class.”

Yeah, pink and with bunny ears. Same class. I told him I was laughing so hard I was crying and he told me to turn the speed down. No! I don’t play with bunnies! Maybe that’s my problem?

He is not only an interesting man, he is a very creative one. He pointed out that, “THAT”S what the world needs. A phallic attachment for any good Craftsman drill. Really, if you want a guy to get it right, you have to speak his language, nowhutImean? Can you see it? Bob Vila’s next series of home improvement commercials.”

“Oh, please. Go to www.craftsman.com – the text next to Bob’s head, “An easy fix for tightening loose screws in wood”. Okay, so we need to be careful about splinters, but…”

“And “Check out our Hot Buys” — hell, they might’ve beaten us to the punch!”

In a moment of dyslexia – I was laughing so hard I couldn’t see through the tears – I thought it actually said “Hot Boys” on the site. I started to laugh so hard it was difficult to type.

“Craftsman is the official tool of NASCAR, CART, NCTS & the NHRA” … and NOW, and …”

Can someone tell me exactly why Craftsman needs a “Children’s Privacy Policy”? And just imagine what you could do with that Craftsman Quartz lighting with case. Traveling pr0n! (He pointed out that “good light is important for film exposure.”)

And if Craftsman won’t go for the manly bunny attachment for their tools, do you think that Snap-on would consider it?