Category: Blogger Posts

UGH. Nothing like a swift kick in the butt when you are feeling better. I am still (don’t ask me why but I am getting off of it now…) listed as a member on the Insignificant Other’s family site at myfamily.com – well, we did date for 7 years, so I guess it made sense to be a member back when I thought he was actually serious when he proposed. But I digress… The other day I wrote about how I walked away from a dead relationship? I chose not to go with him to Whistler Resort. Well, guess what! The pictures from the trip are online! And … he took someone else. So much for his worries about how if he put my name down he wouldn’t be able to take someone else. UGH. BIG kick in the gut just now. He took some chick named April on the trip to Whistler. Posted a lovely photo of them on the sleigh ride. I was shaking so hard when I saw that picture was incredible. I did not cry … as much as I would have liked to. There are no tears left in me. There is a whole lovely album of photos. I think I am going to puke. She must have 2 daughters … there are a pic of them in there too, and from the caption they took the kids to the rodeo. Hope he is nicer to them then he ever was to Jason. He was always cold towards Jason, and then blamed Jason for it (ummm… who is the adult here?) But I made my choice. Holly said back then, “stay with him and go…” (because I was saying how I would love to go there) and I said NO. It wasn’t right. I felt more pain when I was with him then love. And after that trip, there would have always been another, and then another. Always some reason to stay, to hang on. Kudos to Naomi for reassuring me that I made the right choice. She pointed out that “it’s hard to deal with old feelings when stuff like this happens, but you deserve to be the happiest you can be in a relationship, and you knew it wasn’t going to happen in that one.” Awwwwww…. see? Where would I be without my friends. Thing is I always thought it *could* happen if he would have been willing to try. But he wanted something “easy”. And “we” were not easy. I, on the other hand, believe there is no such thing as easy when it comes to a relationship. They take work, effort, compassion, patience, and so much more. It also hurts because I haven’t found someone. Seems he thinks he has. As Naomi pointed out, “he probably jumped the first piece of ass he could find.” (Considering I have known him for 8 years now, she is probably right on the money on that one. And no, I am not trying to be cold & catty. I know him.) Like Naomi said, “you’re taking the time to find someone RIGHT for you.” Very true. I haven’t really been actively looking – the IO obviously went to the rodeo with this person which means they were dating in February. I knew I needed time to heal. Maybe that’s it, that’s what is eating me up inside right now. The fact that he has been able to move on so easily. So quickly. The fact that he didn’t come running after me, begging me to stay. The fact that I have always suspected that those last few months there was someone else, and maybe it was her. Don’t get me wrong – I am moving on, but there are days where it is a struggle (look at last week) and days when I soar. I have strengthened weak friendships. I have met some really nice people that I might not have ever known. I know a lot more about what I want (I appreciate the simple things in life and the deep things in people.) then I did when I first met him. Life will go on, and I am truly happier know then I was during that “last chance” with him. But today, seeing that photo of him with someone new, was a kick in the gut from out of nowhere that I really did not see coming.

Thanks Naomi for reminding me that by looking at pictures you don’t know the whole story.

Naomi and I had a fun lunch yesterday at Willie G’s Ice House. She just got a digital camera yesterday morning and it is *sweet*. We snapped some pictures inbetween our deep discussion on life and soul mates (I’ll elaborate later today) and I will put them up for all to see. Aren’t you excited?

Last night I stayed up at the office working and then trying to get the webcam to work (bummer, it won’t run on NT, have to upgrade to 2000 first). Then I went to meet Kymberlie at the gym. After a nice workout, I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some goodies – CDs from the $1.96 bin (can’t go wrong at that price!) and some haircolor. I came home, talked with Naomi for a bit about how her pictures came out on the PC. Heated up some food, sat down on the couch to watch a little TV. Never even made it to the microwave to get the food out … dozed off, right there, sitting on the couch. Sitting. My neck & back hurt today. Not only did I doze off – I slept there all night! TV on, lamps on… too funny. Woke up at 7am to Good Morning America, just in time to get ready for work.

While I was getting ready for work I had left the TV on out in the living room. I walked out to get a glass of water and had to stop and laugh when I heard them talking on Good Morning America about the Debate Over PMS Drugs Seems I was on to something when I said that those PMDD commercials seemed like a pathetic ploy to get women to take Serafem. “There’s a patent issue, too: Sarafem manufacturer Eli Lilly, which also manufactures Prozac, loses patent protection for that antidepressant in August. That means competitors can start making and selling generic versions of Prozac � a drug that raked in $2.6 billion in sales last year. With Sarafem, however, the Indianapolis-based firm has a separate patent for the drug through 2007, which could help offset the potentially lost sales of Prozac.” Ahhhhhh… now the truth comes out. Go read the article, it is pretty interesting. Among common CBD benefits, natural pain relief tops the list for many, visit www.cbd.co/benefits/ for more information. Evidence suggests that cannabinoids may prove useful in pain modulation by inhibiting neuronal transmission in pain pathways.

After reading the bwg update and the comments on being politically correct, I just have to add that I used to say to people when they talked about something-Americans, “well, if that’s the case I am Germo-Austro-American”. It just drives me nuts. I am 3rd generation American on my mom’s side. My great-grandparents immigrated to North Dakota from Austria, and the first thing they did was learn English and try to blend immediately into American society. That’s what this country is all about – the great melting pot. I just love it (note sarcasm) when people don’t get it. I know it isn’t easy – I struggled with learning German when I moved to Germany. I still made every attempt I could to learn it and speak it to the locals.

Inbetween my surfing and TiVo watching I typed up my writings from the retreat I attended back in January. Now you have a chance to read Beyond The Beautiful Door and The Symphony Plays On, my attempts at seeking some closure with the Insignificant Other. The Beginning Experience Retreat was wonderful in so many ways. I will add more of my journal from that weekend later on.

Ok, well – just in case that last post brings you down, go read Loony Dot Org. Too hysterical! I have been laughing for the past 15 minutes I think! A definate addition to my repeat visit list! Man, it ROCKS!