UGH. Nothing like a swift kick in the butt when you are feeling better. I am still (don’t ask me why but I am getting off of it now…) listed as a member on the Insignificant Other’s family site at myfamily.com – well, we did date for 7 years, so I guess it made sense to be a member back when I thought he was actually serious when he proposed. But I digress… The other day I wrote about how I walked away from a dead relationship? I chose not to go with him to Whistler Resort. Well, guess what! The pictures from the trip are online! And … he took someone else. So much for his worries about how if he put my name down he wouldn’t be able to take someone else. UGH. BIG kick in the gut just now. He took some chick named April on the trip to Whistler. Posted a lovely photo of them on the sleigh ride. I was shaking so hard when I saw that picture was incredible. I did not cry … as much as I would have liked to. There are no tears left in me. There is a whole lovely album of photos. I think I am going to puke. She must have 2 daughters … there are a pic of them in there too, and from the caption they took the kids to the rodeo. Hope he is nicer to them then he ever was to Jason. He was always cold towards Jason, and then blamed Jason for it (ummm… who is the adult here?) But I made my choice. Holly said back then, “stay with him and go…” (because I was saying how I would love to go there) and I said NO. It wasn’t right. I felt more pain when I was with him then love. And after that trip, there would have always been another, and then another. Always some reason to stay, to hang on. Kudos to Naomi for reassuring me that I made the right choice. She pointed out that “it’s hard to deal with old feelings when stuff like this happens, but you deserve to be the happiest you can be in a relationship, and you knew it wasn’t going to happen in that one.” Awwwwww…. see? Where would I be without my friends. Thing is I always thought it *could* happen if he would have been willing to try. But he wanted something “easy”. And “we” were not easy. I, on the other hand, believe there is no such thing as easy when it comes to a relationship. They take work, effort, compassion, patience, and so much more. It also hurts because I haven’t found someone. Seems he thinks he has. As Naomi pointed out, “he probably jumped the first piece of ass he could find.” (Considering I have known him for 8 years now, she is probably right on the money on that one. And no, I am not trying to be cold & catty. I know him.) Like Naomi said, “you’re taking the time to find someone RIGHT for you.” Very true. I haven’t really been actively looking – the IO obviously went to the rodeo with this person which means they were dating in February. I knew I needed time to heal. Maybe that’s it, that’s what is eating me up inside right now. The fact that he has been able to move on so easily. So quickly. The fact that he didn’t come running after me, begging me to stay. The fact that I have always suspected that those last few months there was someone else, and maybe it was her. Don’t get me wrong – I am moving on, but there are days where it is a struggle (look at last week) and days when I soar. I have strengthened weak friendships. I have met some really nice people that I might not have ever known. I know a lot more about what I want (I appreciate the simple things in life and the deep things in people.) then I did when I first met him. Life will go on, and I am truly happier know then I was during that “last chance” with him. But today, seeing that photo of him with someone new, was a kick in the gut from out of nowhere that I really did not see coming.
Thanks Naomi for reminding me that by looking at pictures you don’t know the whole story.