You are striving for a life full of activity and experience, and perhaps what is even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfilment.
You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence … You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all …
You are pretending that the situation around you doesn’t matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity… and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are.. but no.. you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself make you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don’t really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest … beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
(That whole paragraph, ironically, goes along pretty darn well with things I have been dealing with the past month or so in regard to the Insignificant Other. I know I don’t want to be with him, but damn it I am frustrated because he acts as if I was nothing … after years together dating. And I am scared of dating again, but I feel like if I don’t do something then I will just become more melancholy – and I don’t want that. I have to do something…)
You really like doing what you do and more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that “If its not fun – then don’t do it” You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but , for what you are… and it seems to be working…
Speaking of Zal, I must thank her for letting me take a peak at the “inside” of her MovableType. It’s so clean! So pretty! I am impressed. Considering my blog addiction (yeah, yeah, right up there with my font addiction…) I think it would be a good fit, but I have to test it out a bit first before I make the final move. Thanks to Zal’s help though, I have decided to test it on my server and see how I like it!