I have a friend named Jon. I met Jon back in April thanks to my personal ad. He is what is known as a 1 date wonder. No woman is good enough for him, so after we met for dinner once, that was it. A “thanks but I’m not interested” (which was ok, I wasn’t really either) and that was all until August. Then he got in touch with me again. We have gotten together a few times, nothing huge because he had lost his job and is one of those men (Southern mentality) who thinks a woman should never pay. Ok, whatever. We have never been more then friends. I haven’t wanted anything more.
As the holidays approached, we talked about the friend of his that he considered dating, and how hard the holidays are without his kids (ex-wife has them for Christmas this year) and so forth. I realized many months ago that he is too bitter over his ex to date anyone yet. As we talked, knowing I wasn’t dating anyone, I suggested that we should get together. Just didn’t want to see him alone during the holidays. He called me just over 2 weeks ago on a Saturday at 2:30pm to see if I wanted to get together that night. Jason & I were out doing work for his big class project, so I didn’t get the message until that night – long after he called me at 6pm to see what I was doing. I am a single mom. As a parent, the situation should not be a news flash to him. I can’t get a call at 2:30pm to get together that night. I need time to make arrangements. And I was tired – so I said no. He has only called once since then. I have no time or patience for playing games.
Last week he IM’d me 3 different times – “Are you busy?” Well, yes, I am at work & I am busy. “Ok, sorry to bother you.” And he would just log off. Drove me nuts so I sent him a scathing e-mail about it. Tonight he IM’d me, no big deal. “How’s work?” – that sort of thing. Somewhere in there he mentioned that the holidays are hard. I was blunt with him. (See post below about catty mood.) I said if he is alone this holiday season, it is by his choice. “Don’t start that again.” Hello? Being honest with you? Sorry, pity parties for 8 months has worn the ice thin. I don’t have a whole lot of pity when I have extended invitations and you haven’t taken me up on them. How does that make me feel? Like I am chopped liver or something? Yeah. And I’m alone too – by choice, so I don’t whine about it. But if you turn down my invitations, don’t whine to me about being alone.
So I got a “have a good Christmas” a week early via IM from him. Whatever. Gee, I guess my friendship meant so much that that’s simply acceptable. Well … it isn’t in my book. (This is acceptable if you don’t live in Houston. It is not acceptable if you can pick up the phone and call, and if you have ignored my suggestions to get together.) Maybe he will realize that on his own – but right now I don’t really care. I don’t know what he was reading into it – and I have told him about 20 times in the past 2 weeks, don’t talk to me on IM, pick up the phone and call. But he won’t listen, and instead takes things *way* out of context. Thanks, I got that crap when I talked to the IO. Had enough for a lifetime, don’t need any more. He complains about all of his friends and family telling him to “just get over it”… and I have to say, I am starting to agree. You can choose to immerse yourself in self pity, or you can climb out of the hole and do something about it. I think he doesn’t even realize how often he complains with all of his bitterness about her. For awhile there every single one of our conversations focused on her and how he felt. I don’t mind that, I don’t mind listening. But if that’s all you can think about, it’s not a good thing. Eventually you have to let it go, or live a life of misery. Either way, don’t drag me down with you.