I Wonder Why You Don’t Call Me…

I was going through and deleting my spam earlier, and it cracks me up every time. I was telling Jay about it over lunch the other day – I signed up for something once and put in the name of “Friend” and an address of “123 Some Street”. Now I get those spam e-mails all the time that are addressed to “Friend, have we got a deal for you!” or the junk from the label companies offering to send “Friend” their 250 free labels for their house at 123 Some Street, Anytown, NY. I also get things addressed to “Join” a lot, thanks to the spiders hitting the Well, Slap Me Silly! site. Oops!

I just got another e-mail addressed to “Friend”, and it made me think of the perfect Country & Western song – “You Never Called Me by My Name. Of course, now I’ve got it stuck in my head! I feel like I should be at the Dixie Chicken with a drink, swaying with the crowd, singing the song really loud and off key! Come on, let’s sing it together!

Well, it was all
that I could do to keep from cryin’.
Sometimes it seemed so useless to remain.
But you don’t have to call me Darlin’, Darlin’…
You never even call me by my name.

You don’t have to call me Waylon Jennings
And you don’t have to call me Charlie Pride
And you don’t have to call me Merle Haggard, anymore,
Even though you’re on my fightin’ side

And I’ll hang around as long as you will let me.
And I never minded standin’ in the rain.
But you don’t have to call me Darlin’, Darlin’
You never even called me by my name.

Well, I’ve heard my name
A few times in your phone book (Hello, Hello…)
And I’ve seen it on signs where I’ve played
But the only time I know
I’ll hear “David Allen Coe”
Is when Jesus has his final judgment day…

And I’ll hang around as long as you will let me.
And I never minded standin’ in the rain.
But you don’t have to call me Darlin’, Darlin’
You never even called me by my name.

Recitation:
Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song,
And he told me it was the perfect Country & Western song.
I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was not the perfect Country & Western song because he hadn’t said anything at all about Mama,
Or trains,
Or trucks,
Or prison,
Or gettin’ drunk.
Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song.
And he sent it to me,
And after reading it,
I realized that my friend had written the perfect Country & Western song
And I felt obliged to include it on this album.
The last verse goes like this here:

Well, I was drunk the day my Mama got out of prison.
And I went to pick her up in the rainnnnn…
But before I could get to the station in my pick-up truck,
She got runned over by a damned old train!

And I’ll hang around as long as you will let me,
And I never minded standin’ in the rain.
No, a’ you don’t have to call me Darlin’, Darlin’!
You never even call me
Well, I wonder why you don’t call me…
Why don’t you ever call me by my name?