I can tell a new semester is about to begin as I start to have my usual debate with myself where I question everything I am doing. Last year, when I registered for school just weeks before the semester started, I didn’t have too much time to worry about it, but over Christmas break and the summer break, I think about it all the time.
What am I doing with my life?
See, this is how the debate goes:
I want to get a degree so that if anything ever happens – if Mike should go through a layoff as we have seen before here in Houston, or he should get sick and I have to work, or whatever – I can make more than the crappy salary I used to make. We could not survive on the huge pay cut we would have to take if I was the sole provider. Ok, I guess we could survive, because I did it before, but it would not be easy. I want the security of a degree and the option of a decent income that goes with it. Another type of security that I want is one of the best medical alert systems, just in case one of us gets very sick while the other is out.
I want to be a professional photographer. The money isn’t super, but if I am honest – I have had a passion for it for 20+ years. I love to take photographs. I am happiest when I am taking pictures.
I want to get a degree. I want to finish college since I never did 17 years ago.
I want to take pictures for a living. That is a lot more fun than “working for the man.”
To make money taking photos, you almost have to take people photographs. At least that is what it seems like – that is where the good steady money is. I’ve never taken a lot of people pictures, other than being a “party pic!” person for part of a semester in college and being at a wedding or two where I have taken shots. Those shots came out so well, the brides framed them instead of the ones that the “pro” photographer took. Shooting a wedding was fun, although I can see it would be stressful and I know nothing about using a fancypants flash. Plus I would need more equipment. But I could do it. And I think it would be fun.
I could take baby, child, or family photos – but I would want to try my hand at it first, because really? Photographing a rose or a sign is a lot easier than a toddler. The things I shoot most often don’t move.
I love science. I really enjoy being back in school. While it terrifies me, I am looking forward to the challenge of Organic Chemistry this fall. Based on the book I bought yesterday, I think my psych class will be interesting. I want to finish my degree.
I want to focus on photography full time. I want to take baby photos. I want to share my photography passion. I wish I wasn’t taking Organic Chemistry, because it conflicts with Photo II and I can’t take that this semester. I really wish I could – at the Tomball campus – because it would be so great to learn more.
I really hate having this debate every semester. I am torn between my logical and my creative side. Sometimes it really sucks being a Libra. My scales are not balancing this week.
I am planning on seeing Katie and baby Henry next week. I’m going to talk with some of the moms of babies that I know to get together to photograph them. I’m going to see if some of the moms are willing to do pumpkin patch photos with me to help me build a portfolio. That will help give me a feel for what I want to do, and it might help me balance the scales. Or it may make everything tip back and forth even more.
Mike asked me today if I could do both – go to school and be a photographer. I’m afraid I would feel pulled in two different directions and it would be too much. I don’t know, we’ll see.
I am trying to simplify my life. I am trying to focus, and not put too many irons in the fire all at once. I am trying to follow my passion while being logical. I am trying to not do too much.
Anyone getting married in Houston in the near future? I would really like to shoot a wedding. You know, if it works with my class schedule. Can’t do it if I have a test on Monday.