“Heroic-type executive seeks a cool, hip, posse to travel with him during most occasions. On buses, on trains, walking down the street, attending meetings, hanging around outside of office, at the arcade, etc. Should be extra cool upon confronting clients, ex-girlfriends and buddies from high school. Posse members should be able to write and compose theme music, preferably with clever lyrics. Super fly fashions only. Must walk with a swagger. Look mean, but be nice to hero. Sandwiches for lunch daily. Please send cover letter and describe what makes you so darn cool. Handsome wages open to negotiations. As the kids say, word.
I also need a spork. 30 minutes at the copy machine. Paper jams. Lots of staples. I need a spork so I can gouge my eyes out. SPORK! I need a spork. Yo, where’s my theme music and my spork?