Travel Notes

Moving On…

Jason at the Needle's Eye tunnel, Needles Highway in the Black Hills, South Dakota

I’m sitting in my hotel room in Spearfish, South Dakota, just a few miles away from my son — and yet it feels like I may as well be back in Family hotels koh samui, 1300 miles away from him.

The bird is leaving the nest, and while I know it is time, and that I have to let him fly, I also don’t want to let him go.

His best friend has been living & working in North Dakota for a year or so now, and just have to get moving company quotes at TruckPlease to move where his dad’s company is opening a warehouse to supply their other operation. Jason has been offered a job there as well, which he quite eagerly accepted. He wanted to drive up here alone, but I refused. First because he has never driven further than the distance of Huntsville, Texas alone, and second because I wanted this right of passage to be shared, not just for him but for me.

I never got the experience of taking him off to college and getting him set up in a dorm room or his first apartment, so he has to do all this with the help of the Move San Mateo company. But now this is it. He is going off on his own, 1300 miles away. He is 20 years old, I don’t get a say in this matter. I can only do my best, and hope that I’ve done enough.

Holy crap, I was doing ok with all of this until it hit me tonight like a ton of bricks.

It was such a trivial moment too when it hit. I noticed that Jason had a hole on the back of his jeans, and I pointed it out in case he didn’t know. He pouted, and quietly said, “I’ve been walking around all day with a hole in my pants.”

That? That is what adulthood is all about, summed up right there. You have to take care of yourself, because no one else is around to tell you that your ass is hanging out. (Well, your underwear, but you know what I mean.)

I know he will be fine. I know without a doubt that in the long run he will be ok. But I’m overwhelmed with a flood of questioning right now. Did I do enough? Did I do ok? Did I teach him all he needs to know as he goes off in to the world by himself? Will he be able to overcome the moments where I failed him? Will he someday appreciate all I’ve tried to do for him with this move? With everything else? Not just me, but Mike and my parents too — we have all tried so hard. Does he know that?

Does he know how much we all love him? And that really, even when his ass is hanging out, we are all still there for him?

I’m hopeful. I believe he gets it. And in that small moment, I did all that I could — I offered to take him tomorrow to go buy him some new jeans, or to give him some money to buy his own. He looked grateful for that. And in the morning, I will remind him again — he will always have a home to come home to, and we will always be there for him no matter what.

Then I will step back and let him go. This is his time. His turn to sink or swim. My time to stand by, ready for him to call for help but far enough away to let him grow in to the man he is meant to be.

I’ve done all that I could, and I’ve done the best job possible. I wasn’t always perfect, I know I’ve stumbled and faltered along the way. I’m grateful that I didn’t ever have to do it alone, that my parents were also always there for him as well. That he has grown up with a supportive network of love.

I just want him to know how much I love him, how proud of him I am, and how I know that no matter what road is ahead of him, I have faith he will always be ok. And like any mother, I want nothing but the very best for him, and that there will always be a special place in my heart — and if he ever wants it, in my home as well.

South Dakota is such a beautiful part of the country – I pray that in these wide open spaces he will grow strong and be happy.

I’ve done all that I can. It is time to let him go. Nothing I can do or say will delay it any longer. Soon it will be time for me to go, but a part of my heart will remain here with him.

By Christine

Christine is an Avenger of Sexiness. Her Superpower is helping Hot Mamas grow their Confidence by rediscovering their Beauty. She lives in the Heights in Houston, Texas, works as a boudoir photographer, and writes about running a Business of Awesome. In her spare time, she loves to knit, especially when she travels. She & her husband Mike have a food blog at Spoon & Knife.

10 replies on “Moving On…”

I have a feeling you did just fine! That is a beautiful tribute to all Mothers…we always wonder if it was enough. But we did the best we could and the rest is up to Him and God. Your heart will beat a little faster with every phones ring for awhile, but it will get easier and you will be able to breathe again. Love ya, Carolyn

Ahhhh…we are SO in the same place. It’s weird isn’t it? This transitional time…knowing you have to step back…knowing they have to find their own way. I’m proud of my son and am comfortable knowing I’ve done the best I can for him. Now rearranging our own minds to make room for OUR new chapter…yikes!

I am sure you did a great job! I know nothing about raising kids, but if he ever needs you (or you need him) it just takes a phone call. Plus, now you’ll have a cool place to visit! 🙂

Write him letters on paper. I still have every letter my parents sent me in college. They mean the world to me!

PB says you’ve succeeded if your kid can pay for his own therapy. So, he’s got a job. Nicely done! You succeeded! 🙂


“he will always have a home to come home to, and we will always be there for him no matter what.” This is ALL he needs to know. I’m sure you raised up a fantastic son. Hope the move goes well and that you have enough to keep you busy!! I am NOT looking forward to this day with my sons either.

It is so hard to let them go! Jennifer is in South Dakota as well, at the opposite end of the state and all I could think when we drove away was “I didn’t hug her enough” we would high five and fist bump when she would go to bed but all of sudden not enough hugs were given (in my mind there weren’t!)

And now she’s sick with some nasty flu that I can’t make go away. I can offer her all the suggestions that will help make the suffering much easier, but the biggy? Drove me nuts when she was little and was sick because she was needy and wanted me to sit on the sofa with her and just ‘sit.with.her’ when I could have done so many other things. Of course – I did sit with her and I made fun of her for being so needy and I treasured those moments… I did.. but right now? I would do anything to go those 10 hours to get to her just to sit with her while she suffers through the flu, even if it’s in her dorm on a lofted bed. I would sit with her all night now if I could.

It gets easier Christine – the pangs of missing Jason will come and go (like hot flashes!) but it does get easier and both you and Jason will treasure the phone calls and text messages over the next few months. 🙂

Texas and Colorado loss and South Dakota’s gain for some amazing kids! 🙂

Comments are closed.