I am so FLUSTERED! I checked my e-mail because I was waiting for something from a friend. What should I find there? An e-mail from my ex-husband’s wife, MAD at me because I wanted his address so I could send him a box of things he left at my parent’s house for them to hold for him when we moved to Germany! Hello? I was married to him once. I have NEVER once said that I wanted to be with him again. Sure, I love him dearly and care about him. I have known him since 1989. I was married to him, we shared a life together. We have been friends through the years after our divorce.
Heck, until October 1st I didn’t even know they had gotten married back in July! I knew she was pregnant, he told me that this summer. (I warned him back in January when he said he was sleeping with her that sex DOES make babies, and he better watch it since he was still dealing with divorce #2.) I sent him an e-mail on Sept. 26th asking if he was being deployed, if they had gotten married, how the pregnancy was going. I asked if there was a phone number where I could call because he is bad about sending details in e-mail (obviously, it took him 2 and half months to tell me they got married!)
Since Sunday I have considered writing her a long, supportive e-mail. I *know* what it is like to go through a war like this. My ex is twice divorced thanks to military conflicts. I said back on Sept. 11th that I did NOT want to see that happen to him again. I support THEM as a family, 110%. I want him to be happy, he has been through a lot of pain. He is such a kind-hearted person, and he has been hurt because of that in the past. I hurt him in the past. I have asked for forgiveness and I believe we have made our peace.
I am rambling. I know. It just infuriated me to no end to get an e-mail telling me “What happens in (our) life is our business not yours. I do not know why anything in (his) life is your concern. Yes, We are having a baby! Yes, we are both happy together! Yes, we are a family! I believe that is all you need to know.” Well, it is my concern because I care about him. He has been a friend for 12 years. Many of those years he was my BEST friend. I have been there through many things, and I will be there … because I care.
“I do not know what you are up too, but I do believe you are up to something. So the bottom line is…. You need to quit emailing and trying to get my husband to call you. I think he has made it clear to you that you need to stop.” No, actually his exact comment was that if he talked to me she would be upset, and I said that that was ridiculious! It is not like I have EVER attempted to woo him back to me or anything like that. I am “up to” NOTHING. I didn’t “try to get” her husband to call me, I tried to talk to my ex-husband because I was curious what was going on and he is one of those 3 sentence e-mail people. He didn’t make it clear to me that I need to stop writing, matter of fact he wrote “The phone thing would not be a good idea, I am sure you can figure out why. We are looking to buy a house, or rent one for the next year. other than that not much to say… I am doing good, (she) is a high risk pregnency due to the baby being concived while on an IUD but other than that all is well with mom and baby. Talk to you later” AND … my e-mail in response, my only e-mail since he wrote me, asked WHY they got married at 12:10am … I wrote back and said “See, you goof???? You need to TELL ME these things. (in reference to the fact that I didn’t know they had gotten married) You are such a nut. 12:10am??? Huh? Ok, I need details on this one. And I am waiting on pictures. And answers to all the other questions in my other e-mail. Ok, the last e-mail I got from you back in July said you didn’t know when you would be getting married. I just checked. What happened? Now I really need details…” (In other words, just before July 15 he said he didn’t know when they would be getting married, and then they got married shortly after that, so I was curious what happened.)
Geepers, a gal wants to send her ex-husband stuff – family photos, family heirlooms, collectibles of his, music of his, and stuff for his pregnant wife – who at the time I wrote thought was still his girlfriend/fiance, I didn’t know they had gotten married, but what difference does that make. Heck, I considered going out and buying them a wedding present after this coming payday, since I couldn’t when I found out a week ago! I am so mad. I don’t get mad, and yet I am mad at this. Because I have had nothing but positive thoughts and warm wishes for them and their life together. My goodness, I am NOT out to get him back and ruin their marriage. Sure, years ago we had the hypothetical “do you think things could have been different” talk. Know what my answer was? A big fat NO! I am very opposed to divorce, but considering all of the issues in our marriage, the problems could not be repaired.
Grrrrr. I am so frustrated. I wrote a LONG e-mail back, and stated the fact that I am her enemy *ONLY* in her mind. I can be her strongest supporter, or she can sit and convince herself that I am some evil woman. Regardless of what is in her mind, I genuinely CARE about the three of them. I WANT them to have a wonderful life together. I do not want this current war that we are now involved in to destroy another one of his marriages. I pray constantly that that won’t happen, that he will finally have all of the happiness that he deserves. That is my strongest, constant prayer for them. I pray that he isn’t deployed, but if he is (because he is in the Army after all, and that is their job) that he returns home safely to HER, fast, and that he is there for the birth of his child. He will be a wonderful father, and I want THEM to know all of the joys of parenthood.
“First we need to get something straight, you are his EX- WIFE, so there for that gives you no rights. So just to put it out there straight a forward, your calls, emails and so forth is not welcome.” Oh sweetie… if that is what you think marriage and divorce is all about you have so much left to learn. I DO have a need to get in touch with him. I am his ex-wife. I always will be. No future relationship of his or mine will change that. Ironically, according to the Catholic Church we are still married! And one of my evil motives for wanting to keep up with his addresses? I want the marriage annulled so if I choose to remarry in the Church I can! I know, the annulment process makes no sense to many people, but it makes perfect sense to me, and I am too worked up right now to explain it. I just want it DONE. Unfortunately, it requires his participation. So I wrote both of them an e-mail explaining that. I guess she was right – I was “up to something” – I wanted to be able to begin the annulment process later this year. Yep, yep, I am bad. Full of motives.
She makes it sound like I am someone who dated him for 2 months and won’t let go! That is what just gets me. I have known him for TWELVE years!!! I was married to him. I am his ex-wife, and more than anything else I still retain the right to CARE about him! I am still fuming. “you are his EX- WIFE, so there for that gives you no rights.” Oh sister, you have SO much to learn about life. Guess we were all blind like that when we were young. Life’s lessons quickly teach you that that is NOT the case. I have been around for 12 years. She has been around since JANUARY! (at least that was when he told me they had been dating for about 2 weeks, when HE called ME.) As a *friend*, I have a lot of rights. What, was he supposed to dump every friend he ever had of the opposite sex the day he married her? No. I don’t think so, and considering some of his closest friends were female when we married I never asked that of him. Throughout his second marriage I never stopped being his friend, and our friendship has never had a negative influence on any of his relationships.
I even sent her the address for *this* website. Maybe, hopefully, she will see… and if she doesn’t, I don’t care. All I wanted was to know that he is ok, to know if he is deployed, to know that I care about ALL of them, to get this box out of my dining room, and to be able to file the annulment paperwork. Yeah, I sure am asking for a lot there. It’s obvious that I have some secret motive. Whatever.