Category: Amuse Me

I just have to dedicate today’s Dilbert to Kymberlie. You have my cell phone number, right? You can call me whenever you need me… [pointed out to me by Mike]

Donna posted a link in Jennifer’s comments about the Stocking Stuffers at The Container Store. They are all so wonderful! Those Pontiki Pals would be a fun gift for an office gift swap, the Clip-On Laptop Light has me drooling, the Magnetic Vanity Mirrors are adorable, and there are a ton of other ones that are great! *le sigh* Why can’t I go shopping tomorrow while I’m down at the Galleria?

Thanks to Dawn, I discovered that Leslie Harpold has an online Advent Calendar with delightful daily treats. As I looked at the first day of Advent, I noticed a link for the history of Advent Calendars. Some of you may have noticed that I absolutely love Germany and all things related to it – and I have a now 11 year old German Advent Calendar that I put up every year, but it has seen better days. Since I don’t have the funds to return to Rothenberg o.d. Tauber right now to buy a new one, I was thrilled to see that this is the company that makes them and they sell them online! Mine is the 3rd from the top, but I must get the one that is the 2nd from the top too – it looks just like Rothenberg! *sigh*

Anyone want to go to Germany and take me along with them? I would be happy to be your tour guide!

I have a confession. I screen my calls. Thanks to the joy of caller ID, most of the time I don’t answer calls that say “Unknown” or “Out of Area”. Especially not the unknown ones – I figure if I don’t know you, then you don’t know me. Most of the time this is true and spares me the agony of a lot of sales calls. However, I paused this morning when I saw the 416 area code… something told me I should answer – and what a pleasant surprise! It was Rannie calling to check up on me and make sure I was doing ok! Wheeee!!! I can’t even tell you how giddy and excited I was to hear from him – it’s was so wonderful! Thank you for calling me!

By the way, if you ever call me at home & I don’t answer (that whole screening thing) just leave a voicemail. I’ll call you right back. I promise.

On a completely separate note, later when I set more things up on this annoying PC I must remember to set up BlogAmp so I can have a working playlist again. I also need to set up Trillian so I can get back on AIM, MSN Messenger, and all the others. Right now, I have no chat abilities, and I can’t really be an unemployed Blogger without that now, can I?

Thanks to The Mighty Geek, I received my official formal “Welcome to the Blogger Division of the Department of Unemployment” last night! After carefully reading and agreeing to all of the stipulations set forth by the department’s Department of Legal Stupidity and Frivilous Lawsuits (don’t ask how I am fulfilling stipulation #2, ok?) I have been granted permission to share it here. All credit goes to GeekMan for this one!

Greetings Mr./Mrs./Miss Cookie,

As a founding member of the Blogger Division of the Department of Unemployment let me be the first to welcome you to our ranks. We have a long and varied history of gainful unemployment here and we’re always happy to have new members join us.

And since we know you’re unemployed, it won’t cost you a thing.

Our members have been at the forefront of slacker laziness for many years now, and we’re constantly doing whatever we can to further the rights of losers everywhere. Rights such as, but certainly not limited to;

• The right of sleeping till noon on a Wednesday
• The right to ‘forget’ to shave
• The right of alternating shower days
• The right to peruse the listings at one job site for less than one hour
and call it a day
• The right to enjoy the absolute worst daytime television programs without fear of ridicule from your employed friends and family

As a proud new member of our growing club, you will find that all of us here are willing to give you whatever help you may need in adjusting to your new work-free life. A few examples of some of our free services are;

• Hours of useless and meaningless chatting over the internet with any of our members
• A pamphlet on how to receive welfare even if you don’t deserve it
• Special grooming tips for the lazy and uninsured
• Special deals on video game systems with which you can waste hours or even DAYS of your worthless life
• A free copy of Hugo Sleepmoore’s NY Times’ bestseller ‘101 Ways To Put Off For Tomorrow What Should Have Been Done Today’
• A membership card and pledge pin with a color picture of you sleeping on the couch & drooling
• Discounts at the government cheese outlet
• And much, much more!

We know that you’re scared of your new life of worthlessness, laziness and unemployment, but we want you to know that we’re here to help. If you need anything, anything at all, you just call us at 1-900-SLACKER and we’ll be sure to get to your call right after we finish this game of Morrowind.

Calls are $2,000 for the first ten minutes on hold and $500 for every minute thereafter.

Remember, as an official member of the Blogger Division of the Department of Unemployment you are part of an elite group of do-nothing idiots with no real future or aspirations. Be proud and wear your pledge pin with pride.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, copying and pasting this form letter into this email is more work than I’ve done in 16 years and I need a break. And anyway, it’s time for Letterman. He’s really funny when you’re stoned, y’ know?

Good luck finding new employment. Oh, and if you do find someone looking for a graphics/web designer, be sure to send them my way.

😉

GeekMan