Me…

I felt the need to answer this survey. Don’t ask me why. Yarn & Order made me do it. She is being quite the influence today, isn’t she?

1. What time is it in Guam now? (best estimate)
Uh, like I have a clue. Let me see … it is late enough on Monday that it is probably Tuesday there by now.

2. Do you like baloney?
Yes, I still do. Even after the horror stories about what is in it. I almost never eat it though, and but when I do it MUST be Oscar Mayer. I agree, the correct spelling is bologna. I don’t care if anyone says it can be spelled baloney. That is just wrong.

3. Favorite shade of green:
Sage

4. Fake name that you use when drunk strangers are trying to get to know you at a diner at 3 in the morning:
Jennifer. And people always used to respond by telling me that I looked like a Jennifer.

5. Fake name of your imaginary significant other that you use to deter drunk strangers who are trying to get to know you at a diner at 3 in the morning:
Mike. I’ve always had a thing for Mikes.

6. We’ve all seen those ridiculous “tour riders” on smokinggun.com. If you were a rock star what would your ego-driven demands be?
A basket full of fabulous yarn and some Addi Turbos to go with it. A kick-ass margarita blender. (probably not a good idea, as yarn and margaritas do not mix, but it is always good to have a good blender around.) Something to do with good food.

7. Who do you think has the most meaningless life?
Hmm… I think everyone’s life must have some meaning. It would not be nice to declare anyone’s life to be meaningless.

8. You’re holding up a convenience store. Somebody tripped the silent alarm.You have three minutes before the cops come. What do you take? Explain.
Cash and good munchies. No need to explain.

9. Most puzzling thing you’ve ever seen at a bar…
Really, when you are at a bar, anything and everything could be puzzling depending on what you have been doing at the bar. The strangest thing that ever happened to me was when I lived in Germany and this guy kept buying drinks at the Green Goose in Illesheim for me and two of my girlfriends. I told him that we were all married, and he said he didn’t care. He had no interest in picking us up, he had been gone in Saudi Arabia for Desert Storm for months, had all this money that he hadn’t spent while he was gone, and just enjoyed seeing us have a good time. It was a bit bizarre, but whatever. He just watched us from the corner and kept buying us drinks.

10. Space aliens?
Of course. I can’t believe that we are the only life forms out there.

11. What color does “puce” most resemble?
Nasty puke green.

12. Funniest thing anyone said to you at the end of a date:
Nothing comes to mind other than me telling the bizarre neo-Nazi guy that I went on a blind date with that there was no way in hell I was going to go out with him again.

13. Theeeeeee most embarrassing MP3 on your computer/iPod:
I don’t consider Barry Manilow or the Bee Gees to be embarrassing. Or any of my 80s music.

14. Song that makes you an emotional basket-case every, single time to hear it so much so that you actually avoid listening to it:
That annoying “I’m Proud to be an American” song by Lee Greenwood makes me want to rip my hair out. Does that count? I hate that damn song. (I am generally proud to be an American, but that song makes me want to hurl.)

15. Ever been to the opera?
No.

16. Dentist chair. Do you keep your eyes opened or closed?
Closed. Have I mentioned lately that I can’t do novacaine? It gives me a headache and does nothing to numb me. I’ve had 5 crowns done without novacaine – I swear, I didn’t feel the drilling. I hate the noise though, so I have to close my eyes and curl my toes.

17. Ever eat paste as a kid?
Yes. Don’t tell. I ate play-doh too. But I did NOT eat clay like David Wertz said I did. Clay just smells nasty. Ew.

18. Ever try one of your dog’s treats just for the heck of it?
No. But I could, because I only buy “natural” treats for her, made without wheat by a baker in the Woodlands.

19. Which one of the Brady Bunch kids do you most identify with?
Jan, because I always wanted to be Marcia. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

20. In your opinion what has been the most romantic love song written in the last 10 years?
They just don’t make music like they used to – my favorites are the things like Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and the likes used to sing.

21. Be honest. Do you sometimes want to punch Eva Longoria…
Maybe. Just a little bit.

22. Wait, I wasn’t finished…do you sometimes want to punch Eva Longoria in the face?
Ok, fine. It is true.

23. What piece of American culture do you absolutely loathe and when you express it, people think you’re a Communist?
The Bush Family? In hindsight – especially after being over in London – American football, cheerleading and drill teams are all pretty strange. But I still loved watching Cheerleader Nation and I think we should move to Lexington, KY just so Jason can go to Dunbar with the kickass cheerleaders from there.

24. So what do you hate about Christmas?
The material side of the holiday. The hunt for the perfect gifts and the crazy amounts of money we seem to spend on the holiday. I like the “homemade Christmas” idea more and more, but I suspect Jason would prefer an Xbox 360 over a cable scarf this year.

25. Do you sometimes believe that you are in The Matrix?
I still remember when I was really little thinking that we were all Barbie dolls being controlled by someone much larger. With teeny Barbies of our own. So I guess I have always believed in the Matrix in a way.

26. Really?
Yes, really.

27. Did you ever wish you were an astronaut?
Yes. And when hearing recently how they need more people working for Nasa, I started to reconsider my major. Again. We would have to move though after I graduated, because there is no way I would commute to Johnson Space Center from the other side of Houston.

28. What time is it in Guam now?
Tuesday. I’m sure it is Tuesday by now.