I sent her a long e-mail telling her how I felt, and he was cc’d on it. I don’t agree with the thought of “if he talks to you that’s none of her business…” – everything he does is her business, she is his wife. I do however think that I am a non-threat, and that it should not be an issue if he talks to me. That is neither here nor there now … I have been there for 12 years, and I will be there forever, even if just a silent person back in the wings. They will be in my prayers, I will always care. Even when Rick & I have lost touch, we have found one another somehow – the last time he called me back in January. He had lost my e-mail address. Whatever. I am not worried about that – my feelings were just hurt because I do care. I wrote a more direct & too the point e-mail regarding the annulment issue. Should I want to marry in the Church again, I want that option. I don’t know how it effects them – if they wanted to baptise the baby in the Catholic church if they could … it is my understanding that once he remarried he lost the right to the sacraments, but baptism is for the baby, not him … so I don’t know about that. He may not even consider himself Catholic any more. I don’t know nor do I care – that is between him & God. I have to look out for myself though, and I want the annulment.
I would NEVER want to jeopardize his relationship, and that was NEVER my intention. I wrote because I care about him and his family. My family still cares about him – all of my aunts & uncles that have met him ask about him. My grandfather even asked about him this summer. 12 years and a marriage don’t just disappear…
6 replies on “The Ball *is* in HIS court…”
Hang in there, ok? And if you need to “vent” a bit more, you know the e-mail address!
why is he denied the sacraments after remarrying and how can a marriage be annulled if you’ve had sex?
My mom always used to say annulments were stupid, and just the Catholic Church’s way of getting around divorce. I don’t agree. I don’t think a covenant with God can be broken unless you have reason. My cancer scare, the ovary situation (oopharectomy), and everything else … well, I wasn’t fit to be making a commitment like that. I almost stopped myself, but by then Desert Storm had started, and I was worried that if I postponed getting pregnant I might lose my other ovary or have to have a complete hysterectomy. Not a fun thought at the age of 20…
Sorry to have worded it so harshly. Like I said, I have zero experience in this situation since my husband’s ex hated me from the get-go. (You know that song, “I’ll think of a reason later”? That’s her.)
I just want to see him happy, and in the relationship that he truly deserves. I hope this time it’s “the one”.
One thing that is grounds for an annulment is a “shotgun wedding.” The circumstances around such a wedding make it impossible to know whether the couple knew the seriousness of their commitment. Now, clearly, they have had sex. They’ve even produced a child (or more.) Being able to have sex or have babies does NOT make one able to enter into a covenant. The Pre-Cana classes are supposed to help couples realize what they’re doing (and to help priests figure out which couples shouldn’t get married.) Sometimes rules are bent and people look the other way. Priests are human, too.