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I hate MRIs. Matter of fact, the word hate really doesn’t describe the absolute loathing I have for them.

I’ve had two MRIs in the past for migraines.

The first one, no one warned me. Sure, they asked if I was claustrophobic. I thought I wasn’t. I had never had an MRI … I had NO idea. They put me in to the tube, and that sensation. My stomach flutters just thinking about it. It was the walls pressing in on my arms – it was horrible. So bad I started kicking my legs to let the tech know how serious I was about her getting me out. FAST. I ended up deep breathing and powering through, but it was miserable.

The second MRI they gave me Valium. Two pills, one to take an hour before, one to take thirty minutes before. I was three margarita drunk feeling. I barely remember that MRI. It clearly was not as traumatic.

Earlier this week I went in to see my ears, nose & throat doctor to confirm that my third ear infection of the winter had cleared up. The glands on the left side of my neck are still swollen, with no reason why. My ears were clear. We did a head CT in the office, and for the first time in 20+ years my sinuses were all clear (grateful again to be gluten free, as that cleared it)I also had to visit the office national site because we had so may papers and documents at the office that we needed a new cabinet. As she examined me, she told me she suspected that I have a stone in my submandibular salivary duct.

The best way to test to make sure? That damn MRI machine. Crap.

So it was off to Walgreens to pick up my Valium prescription, coordinating with Mike’s work schedule so he could drive me, and today we went in for the test.

My doctor only gave me one Valium to take this time. It was like 1 margarita drunk. Enough to take off a little edge, but not enough to conquer that machine. The tech zoomed me in the first time, and I thought that with my earplugs in, my eyes closed, the panic button in my hand, and the head brace on to keep me from moving I would be ok.

WRONG.

As my breathing started to rapidly increase, I made him pull me back out. Second round, eyes open. Oh HELL NO. Back out again. This time so I could sit up because I thought I was going to be sick. Blood was rushing to all the wrong places.

I hate the MRI machine.

He told me that a patient yesterday had to be given drugs via IV to get through it. I suggested that that was a brilliant idea. Maybe that twilight sleep stuff they use? He said no. Damn it, actually it is a very serious thing and he told me that there are many that come up yo him to ask how to do an intervention when it comes to drugs because some don’t realize they are addicted.

I finally realized the ear plugs had to go – it was cutting off another sense. They offered music in the room. Absolutely.

Third time was the charm. I powered through the first five minutes. Making sure I didn’t hold my breath, deep breathing. I kept my eyes open – the light coming in from the other end helped. I focused on how the Velcro on the “ceiling” wasn’t symmetrical and it really was annoying. 20 minutes passed, then they added the contrast to my IV and I went back in for another 10 minutes. This time it wasn’t as bad, I had survived the first 20.

I made it. I won’t know the results for another week and a half. Hopefully it is minor and an easy fix, and not neck cancer. (I don’t really think I have neck cancer, but if I expect the worst I can be happy when it is better than that.)

I still hate the MRI. Next time, I’m asking for the twilight sleep drugs, or st least two Valium. Hopefully, there won’t be a next time though! Hoping, hoping, hoping…